More than meets the eye
by anniewanny2
Summary: People fear their nightly protectors and Raph is sick of it, Andy tries to help him as much as she can but you know Raph. Maybe the strange girl that lurks around in the sewers can help him, but then again what is she doing in the sewers anyway RaphxOC
1. New beginnings, New complications

**New beginnings, New complications .**

Andy's POV.

Hey everyone My name is Andrea better known as Andy from my previous story named 'When it all falls apart', some of you might have read it, some of you might not but that's okay, it's not really necessary to follow this story.

So anyway, It's been almost a year now since we've returned to New York and things are great. Living with four mutant turtles and their mutant rat father is not as hard as it sounds. I have a cool job in the New York zoo so I can still look out for animals and nature, I also have a rented a small apartment, this is all thanks to Donnie of course he somehow dug up my birth certificate on the internet so I could get myself a new passport, not that I spend much time there but it comes in handy for legal stuff and my mail of course, I usually hang out with April or the guys in the sewers, this is also were I am right now. Normally we do all kinds of cool stuff together but right now we are just chilling in the living room.

Leo is sitting with master Splinter on the opposite side of the room talking and discussing about who knows what, if I know them it probably has something to do with training. Master Splinter has promoted Leo to be my trainer, at first I refused but they insisted that I learned some moves because they have many enemies and they would feel better if I knew how to defend myself. I must say I underestimated training a bit at first and pretty much sucked because of that, but after a few weeks of intensive training, I finally got the basics down, I now know how to kick and punch without hurting myself. I'm happy I learned this it actually makes me feel safer on the rare occasions I'm walking home alone. Leo's a wonderful trainer, I never saw him in action for real but I feel sorry already for his opponent. Leo is the leader of the family after master Splinter of course, Leo takes on all of the responsibilities around here, I found him a little intimidating at first but that's just because he wants to protect his family, family is holy to him he will go through hell and further to protect them but then again they are all like that.

Donnie is sitting on his desk behind me, he's always tinkering with stuff he finds in the sewers. Donnie is more drawn back then the others, he spends most of his time in his lab. But that doesn't mean he's less then his brothers, Donnie has other talents, talents I admire very much. Only when he's busy with technology you realize how brilliant he really is, I knew he knew something about medicines and nursing wounds and such, but that's just the tip of the iceberg, I mean he built his own computer out of junk he found in the sewer!! He made sure that the lair has one hell of a heater, electricity, Internet and not one, not, two but ... omg an entire wall of televisions !! It's like Einstein is reborn in the body of a humanoid turtle!

Then there is Raph, who isn't here right now, it's now like 11 pm, so my guess is that he's playing vigilante with Casey or just cruising around on his bike. Raph and I get along very well, I've heard from the others he normally doesn't like humans all that much, except April and Casey of course, I know why: they have to live in the sewers and spend their life hiding because people don't understand them, they judge them on their aperiences, I remember that once I felt a tinge of fear when I first lead eyes on them, but that feeling quickly vanished when I realised that they were a family that would protect one another no matter what. It's not like we're hugging all the time and go shopping together or something, no I have April for that, Raph's more the big brother I never had. Okay if there is one person who comes close to Leo it's Raph, if Leo is the ultimate Jackie Chan then Raph is definitely the hulk, before I said that I would feel sorry for Leo's opponent, because he would have to suffer from his injuries for weeks in the hospital, but if you really piss Raph of, there wouldn't be anyone anymore to feel sorry about. Of course I've never seen them like that, main reason because I am not allowed to go out at night.

And that is all thanks to my very own overprotective superhero named Mikey, we are resting on the couch together, I'm laying with my head on his lap watching television. No matter how great a sensei Leo is or how smart Donnie or even how strong Raph can be, I think that Mikey is even more awesome then all of them together, maybe that has something to do with the fact that I am madly in love with him. My love for him continues to grow, eventhough he can be a little annoying sometimes when I'm not even allowed to walk home alone after my work, but then I remind myself that he's just worried about me, I understand if my enemies were running free somewhere I would be worried too about him. Luckily for me my enemies are safely behind bars also all thanks to my hero.

"dude what's Raph taking so long?" Mikey said suddenly,interrupting my thoughts, they were supposed to go out for training.

"Don't bug him Mike, you've noticed he's more tense lately" Donnie said never looking up from his recent science project, yeah I've noticed too.

"yeah, I've noticed I still have bruises from yesterday remember?" maybe you shouldn't have drawn cartoons on his punching bag, you asked for that.

"poor baby" I said and kissed the bruise on his shoulder "better?"

"a little bit, I think I'm going to need a lot more of that when I come back tonight" he winked.

"as long as you come back unharmed, you can get anything you want" I whispered.

"I already have everything I want" he whispered back and kissed my lips briefly before standing up and walking over to Leo.

"what do you think bro?" he asked.

"I shall speak to him about the matter when he returns" Leo said in a monotone voice.

"yeah, because that has helped so well before" Mikey mumbled with sarcasm.

That moment Raph barged in cursing, something is not right.

"Raph what happened?" Leo asked, oh no I sense a fight coming. I sat up on my knees in the couch watching to scene.

"nothing, I'm not going to training tonight, I'm gonna go to bed" Raph said to Leo while he barged his way through the lair, come on Leo let this one go there is going to be one hell of a fight if you stop him now ... again.

"wait, you owe me an explanation" wrong move Leo.

"I don't owe you anything Leo" he was going to leave, but Leo grabs his arm oh no time to punch in.

"leave me alone I said!!" he was about to punch Leo in the face, but I stood between the two of them before he could do so, his fist stopped inches from my face. This wasn't the first time I did this, Mikey always hates it when I do this and I would probably hear of this later tonight but if Raph punches Leo or tries to punch Leo it won't solve anything, this is the only way to end this fight without anyone getting hurt.

"stop it the both of you!!" Raph stood down and ran quickly to his room, I turned around and faced Leo "sorry Leo" I said , I knew how much he hated it when I undermined his authority, that wasn't my goal at all but he takes it that way.

"we're leaving" he ignored me and walked out, Donnie smiled at me he was probably the only one glad for my action. Mikey turned me around, pressed me against his plastron and lifted my face up so I was forced to look him in the eyes.

"I thought you promised not to do that again" I could tell by the sound of his voice that he was concerned, relieved and angry, yes this would be a long night.

"I'm sorry" I said.

"no you're not" he put on his puppy dog eyes "please I'm begging you don't do that again"

"I won't" I lied, he knew but he didn't have time to be angry at me.

"I have to go now, be careful when you talk with Raph please" he kissed me and left.

"you worry about yourself" I said

"I will if you would" he had me there.

"be careful !" I yelled right before he left.

now to talk to Raph.

Quietly I snuk upstairs, I knew he could hear me because he's a ninja and all but I always try not to disturb him to much when he's in one of his moods. I knock on his door ... no answer. I knock again, nothing.

"Raph? I know you are in there will you please talk to me?" I asked I heard someone move inside the door opened suddenldy and a very angry Raph stepped out, I had to step back a bit otherwise my toes would be crushed. Raph is the biggest and most muscular of the family, I am the smallest and weakest, he has had more then seventeen years of experience in martial arts, I have had seven months of experience and I still suck. Yet I am not afraid of him, eventhough he is given me a serious deathglare right now.

"Let me give you a tip kid, the next time you see two pissed off mutant freaks fightin' don't step between them!!" he yelled and locked himself in his room again. alright rough translation of what just happened: Andy I don't want to hurt you so please don't pull that stunt again eventhough I am glad you did it because I always feel really,really bad when I hurt someone I love in one of my moodswings, also please leave alone tonight because when I was out I screwed up again and accidentally revealed myself and the person I was trying to protect called me freak, I will talk and sort of apologize in the morning good night.

Or something like that, it's best to let him be. I walked back down and laid myself on the couch, I picked up a blanket and draped it over me. I hate to see Raph like this, I hate the person who hurt him like that, people always fear what they don't understand and Raph suffers because of that. I watched the movie until I fell asleep.

Later that night I felt something warm, soft and very familiar around me, I opened my eyes and saw tha Mikey was carring me upstairs to his room.

"You know I don't mind sleeping on the couch" I said with a voice a little heavy from the sleep.

"My princess deserves something much better then the couch" he said smiling.

"as long as I have you by my side I have everything I want" I said and kissed him softly, he chukled and kissed me back until we reached his room, he catiously stepped over his stripbook collection that was spread across the floor and lead me on his bed, he removed his gear and cralled in next to me.

"how did it go with Raph?" he asked.

"he wouldn't talk to me, I'll try again tomorrow" I snuggled closer to him.

"yeah maybe it's best to let him cool of a little bit" he said.

" how was the patrol ? Had fun?" I asked, thuogh I knew he never would tell me the details of his evening.

"wasn't that bad, it was a quiet night" he said. Liar it wasn't a quiet night I could see it at the bruise he gained on his arm. I kissed the spot.

"I'm glad you are back" I said.

"me too, now go back to sleep my princess"

"goodnight my hero" and I drifted of again this time in a plezant dream, which usually happened when I slept safely in the arms of my protector.

* * *

an: so this is the sequel, not much has happened yet I know but it will soon, please if you read it review, thanks to all of you readers


	2. stay calm, stay calm, please

**Stay calm, stay calm, please .**

the next day:

Raph POV

I was training in the dojo, _well if yah count beating the crap out of a punching bag training_, my knuckles were sore and started to bleed slightly, I didn't know how long I was doing this anyway, every time I thought I grew tired I remembered the scene from last night anf found the power again to go on, anger was my greatest strength and on the same time my greatest weakness. Soon I was reminded of that fact. My body could only take so much, my muscles started to shake and my vision started to blur, I began to feel flashes of pain through my entire body every time the punching back received a hit.

One minute later I collapsed, exhausted laying on the floor, breathing heavily, still fuming with anger, _what the hell is happenin' to me? Why do I feel so much anger all the time?_ I laid still watching the sealing until my heartbeat slowed down and my vision turned back to normal. Slowly I sat up straight and lifted myself to my feet, _I have to eat something._

I turned around to go to the kitchen but there was someone blocking my way out of the dojo, a small, petite form, was standing in the doorway watching me her dark brown eyes filled with worry.

"I'm alright Andy let me pass" I said and walked over to her, she didn't budge.

"Why do you do that to yourself Raph? You could get hurt" she said, _look who's talking she jumps between two fighting mutant turtles and then lectures about being careful?_

"Don't start lecturing too alright? You sound like Leo" I gently pushed her out of the way and walked to the kitchen. She signed disappointed and walked away, she was probably hoping that I would talk to her this morning about last nights events, but I'm still too angry to talk. I saw Mikey in the kitchen making breakfast, from the smell of it, he's making eggs ... again.

"good morning bro, you want one?" he asked, _why oh why is he always so cheery in the morning?_

"yeah, sure" I said, I walked to the fridge and grabbed myself a couple of bottles of water, I drank until I had two empty bottles in my hand, I threw them in the trashcan.

"dude don't drown" Mikey joked, I ignored him. "You did it again didn't you?"

"did what?" I snapped, _did he know that I accidentally revealed myself to humans again?_

"you know the punching-the-bag-until-I-drop-dead training?" a sense of relief brushed over me.

"don't you start with me too"_ both him and Andy worry too much._

"she only tries to help you, you know" he said a little irritated, _he always gets irritated whenever we dare to say something remotely negative about his girl._

"yeah I know" I said plainly. He flipped a couple of eggs on my plate, scrambled of course. I quickly stuffed the eggs into my mouth, I placed the plate into the sink, today was Donnie's turn to do the dishes, and I walked upstairs to my room. I passed Andy on the way down, she just came out of the shower, I could tell by the steam that came from the room and her wet hair, (don't get any ideas she has all of her clothes on )

"hey" she said looking down as I passed. I just smiled a bit at her and moved on, though I doubt you could call that a smile. "Raph wait" she said, I stopped and turned around "I'm sorry for this morning I didn't want to tell you what to do, I'm just worried you know"

"don't alright? I'm fine" I didn't wait for an answer and just walked back into my room. I heard her sign disappointingly, _I know she just wants to help, maybe I tell her tomorrow or something._ I heard Mikey whistle downstairs, Andy has probably entered the kitchen, _sometimes they can make me so sick I can't be around them, with all the lovey dovey things they say or worse do. But mostly I envy Mikey, not that I have a crush on Andy or somethin' no, she's like a little sister to me, but you know, to have someone who you can protect, someone who understands you completely and loves you no matter what. It must be pretty damn great, stop hoping Raph, this can't happen for you._

_It was a miracle that Mikey found Andy in the first place, though master Splinter says that it has something more to do with fate and destiny or somethin' deep like that, I wanna believe that I really do, but I can't, come on be honest who wanna freak for a boyfriend anyway? Stupid humans they only care about appearances. I don't have to look far to find an example, just look at last night, I saved some girls from being raped by a gang of purple dragons, and what do I get for thanks? A scream and cursing words. All the anger that I though to have punched into the bag came back to me again when I thought about that night. Great now I have to start all over again._

"Raphaël it's time for training" master Splinter called,_ perfect, I hope I'm up against Leo_. I lifted myself from my hammock and walked downstairs.

* * *

Tanya's POV: 

I ran as quickly as I could, I looked behind me and saw the guys still chasing me,_ why now? They usually do this when schools out, it hasn't even started yet!_ I looked again and saw that these weren't bullies but purple dragons, oh crap.

_Stay calm, stay calm, please._

I took a turn into an alley in a desperate attempt to shake them off, no such luck. I tried to run away again but the ally ran to an end, I tried to kick away the wooden fence blocking my way, but it was no use.

_Stay calm, stay calm, please._

They came closer and closer, I could see their faces clearly now, they lived in my block, I remember them now.

"what's the matter Tanya? Don't feel like playing?" I didn't know their names, _how come they know mine?_ **There are only two of them, no problem, **

_no stay calm, stay calm, please. _

My head hurts, I grabbed it in hope it would stop,

_no! stay calm, stay calm, please._

"crying is not gonna help yah" he said again and kicked me in the stomach,

_no! stay calm, stay calm, please. _

**Don't fight me Tanya,  
**

"come on Tanya play with us" the other said and was about to kick again, when she grabbed his leg and snapped it in her hand. She stood up slowly, she took the red ribbon from her head so her black hair was set free. She looked at them, the look alone was enough to send running away screaming, though this was impossible, for his leg was broken and she didn't want them to leave.

**"****Tanya is not here right now"** she spoke, seconds later the only thing that could be heard were the screams of her two attackers

* * *

an: alright, I'm not sure about this chapter, the last part will be explained later in the story, I want to know what you think about this, please review

thank you Simone Robinson, Mikell, quay say and Animelover210 for your reviews


	3. The angrier they are the harder they hit

**The angrier they are, the harder they hit **

Andy's POV:

This can't end good, this can't end good. As usual I am allowed to watch the guys train, my sensei; Leonardo says that it would be very educational for me to watch them. I normally love to watch them train, to see them enjoy themselves as brothers, as a family. But today this isn't the case. It was sparring-time, first it was Mikey against Donnie, I'm always a little anxious whenever Mikey had to fight but I didn't have any problems with Donnie, he would never hurt Mikey. It was when he had to stand against Leo or Raph I could not watch, Leo would never put his brothers in danger but he would let them feel pain if he thought they would learn a lesson out of it. And then there is Raph, he doesn't want to hurt his brothers either but sometimes his anger gets the best of him.

If Mikey and Donatello were up first that meant that Raph and Leo were second, I saw from the smirk on Raph's face that he was eager to go up against his older brother, yeah if I know Raph well he's really looking forward to this fight. Normally I have no problem with watching them train, they are both equally skilled so they put on quite a show. But now I fear for their health, Raph has completely worn himself out this morning and his body is now running on anger alone, if his body gives in before his anger does he could really hurt himself. On the other hand I also fear for Leo because, Raph is really pissed of right now and battling him is only going to make matters worse, Leo is according to Raph the reason he is angry, the last thing Raph is willing to do right now is lose, I'm not telling he's going to stab Leo in the back or something to win, I'm just saying that because he's not thinking straight, Raph can do something he might regret later on. It has happened before or so I have heard. I have told master Splinter about all of this earlier this morning, but he says that he knows out of experience that between Leo and Raph action speaks louder then words, in my opinion the action is screaming just a little too loud right now.

Leo ducked every punch and kick Raph delivered, Leo and Raph were opposites in many ways. Leo preferred to let his opponent ware himself out, water finds a way around he always says, when the opponent has weakened himself he deals the final blow. If Leo is water then Raph definitely is fire, his technique is to destroy his opponent as soon as possible, in other words attack until only one is standing.

Raph is exhausted, it's true that his anger drives him and makes him very powerful, but that doesn't only makes it very dangerous for himself but also for Leo. Raph is out of control and the very drive for his anger is now standing right in front of him, challenging him.

Master Splinter stays calm and believes that his sons can handle it with dignity and honor like a true ninja, but I also see some anxiousness in his eyes.

"I am aware that you worry for both Leonardo and Raphaël, my daughter but trust me in this that they need this to sort things out" Master Splinter said.

"I know, but I can't help but worry, master Splinter"

"I know" He spoke.

I watched the match, they were at it for a full 10 minutes, neither of them showing any sign of weakness. Then Raph slipped and fell down, I was on my feet in seconds, but master Splinter gently stopped me, Mikey seemed very grateful that master Splinter stopped me, but I hardly noticed, my eyes were glued to the scene in front of me. Leo didn't attack he knew it wasn't like Raph to make a mistake like this in the heat of the battle.

"what are yah waitin' for" Raph growled, panting heavily.

"Raph are you ..." Leo looked concerned.

"... I ain't askin' for compassion Leo" Raph stood back up, his legs shook a little. "what's the matter big brother, giving up?" he mocked and attacked again, this time taking Leo by surprise and managed to kick him in the chest, Leo fell back but quickly recovered and now too began to attack, looked like the anger inside Raph was reachin critical mass, this isn't going good I can feel it.

"Raph stop the attacking, you are exhausted" Leo said, he had stopped attacking Raph and now focused on defending himself against the punches and kicks and were aimed at him.

Raph didn't say anything, he preformed a jump kick, but Leo rolled out of the way Raph send his fist flying towards Leo's face, but missed and got one himself. Leo attacked this time, but Raph deflected all of them and Leo received yet another kick in the chest, this time more powerful then the one before, Leo didn't have time to correct himself and fell on his shell, Raph jumped on top of Leo but he placed his foot on his plastron and managed to push him into the opposite wall, with a deafening crack Raph fell motionless on the floor.

"Raph!" Leo shouted and we all ran to his side, but when we got closer he awakened and restarted his assault, he roared and took a lunge at Leo again, while doing so his elbow connected with my nose. Because of the force behind the hit I flew backwards, I could steady myself before falling to the ground, I brought my hands to my nose and felt a dripping wet substance ... blood ... suddendly I felt very dizzy, the room started to move in ways it shouldn't, and the floor came closer I could correct myself this time, I didn't felt my body hit the ground, the last thing I remember was feeling the blood dripping from my nose, before I lost consciousness.

* * *

Raph's POV:

I felt so angry when Leo send me flying into that wall, stupid teachers pet, you ain't gonna beat me this time, I ain't weak I ain't no coward. The first chance I got, I jumped up and attacked him. The others were quick to restrain me, though it wasn't because of them that I calmed down, it was when I say Andy laying motionless on the ground that I realized what I had done. No! I must have accidentally hit her when I attacked Leo. Nobody noticed this, they were too busy calming me down, I struggled harder to get lose, I wanted to help her, why didn't they see this!

"No!" I yelled.

"Raph calm down!" Donnie said.

"Andy!" I yelled, this got their attention especially Mikey's, they let go of me finally defeated I fell on my knees. Everyone was by her side in seconds, Mikey picked her up and ran to Don't Lab Leo and Donnie followed leaving me and my guilt alone in the dojo. Mikey didn't have time to be mad at me ... yet, though I doubt that he'll hate me as much as I do myself right now. Master Splinter was the only one left in the dojo. He walked over to me and laid his hand on my shoulder.

"My son, this is not your fault, this is an accident"

"this is my fault sensei and you know it" I got up and ran away as fast as I could, I couldn't face them, I'm weak, a coward. I ran out of the lair before anyone could notice. I have to get out of here, I have to be alone.

this can't be happenin', this can't be happenin', I did not just hurt little Andy, I did not do that. I couldn't have, stupid!! why do I let it come so far? Why her? The only person in the house that I could do real, permanent damage to, the only person in the house who tried to understand me and didn't judge me, why couldn't I have hit Leo or Donnie or Mikey, they could take a punch, they were strong enough. But not Andy, she was only trying to help me. Mikey will never forgive me, I don't even know if she will ever forgive me, I will never forgive me. No I can't go back not now at least, I am weak, I am a coward running away from something like this.

I hid myself in a part of the sewers where I knew they would never look, it was a place were I often hid when I was smaller, nobody knew of this place. I punched the wall, this time I felt the pain, good I deserve it. Why can't I control myself? Exhausted I let myself drop down, I fell asleep quickly, due to the emotional and physical drainage from the past couple of hours.

* * *

a/n: for those of you who would like to see a picture of Andy I tried to draw her you can see this link on my profile if you wish

anyway thank you reviewers I really appreciate the kinds things you have said. Also criticism is accepted if it's willing to help me at least, I know my spelling and grammar isn't always correct but in my defense I'm Dutch and have learned English in school and from the television.

For those of you who haven't yet reviewed I beg of you please do, how can I know what to improve if you don't review? Tips are also welcome ^^

Thank you Mikell for your review!!


	4. Who's to blame?

**Who's to blame? **

Andy's POV.

I opened my eyes, I didn't see anything at all, I blinked my eyes a couple of times, yeah they were open, why don't I see anything? Suddendly I realized that it was just plain dark except for one lamp standing on the desk on the other side of the room. I recognized the room then, I was in Donnie's lab. I checked my body over, no casts, no broken ribs, only a headache, _what am I doing here?_ I can't remember, I was in the dojo watching the boys train, _man it even hurts when I try to think. _

"here" someone placed a glass in my hand. I looked up and saw that it was Mikey, he had a strange look in his eyes, something between angry and relief.

"what's the matter?" I placed my hand on his, he stood next to me and placed his hand over mine, is he mad at me? did I do something wrong? He could see that I knew he was mad.

"I'm not mad at you" he clarified, I couldn't read the expression on his face very well because of the lack of light "Sorry about the light Donnie told me that you could have a concussion, it's supposed to help or something"

"what did I do?" I asked ignoring the way he tried to change the subject.

"you don't remember? " he sounded worried.

"no, I remember I was in the dojo watching you guys train and then nothing, I'm sorry"

"yeah, you should be, you broke your promise, you know" he said, I don't need my memory to figure out what happened to me, Leo and Raph got into a fight and I somehow got stuck in the cross fire … again. Yeah that would explain why he is angry at me.

"I'm sorry Mikey" I took a sip from the glass it tasted really bad.

"aspirin, Donnie guessed you would have a headache when you woke up" he said bitterly.

"yeah, thanks" I emptied the glass and placed in on the desk next to the bed, he didn't answer, man I've never seen him like this. "I don't like it when you are this angry at me"

"I'm sorry, hey" he stood up and kissed my forehead "it's not you I'm angry at, it wasn't your fault, Raph went down, you went to see if he was alright and he woke up angrier than ever he attacked Leo the minute he opened his eyes, his elbow connected with your head and you went down, "

"oh, so technically I didn't break my promise?"

"no, technically you didn't" he smiled "sorry I scared you, I could never be angry at you, you know that right?" I rubbed his hand.

"yeah I know" I whispered.

He seemed fine but suddendly he turned angry again, like he was thinking about something and that triggered something " Raph's a coward!" he yelled.

"don't say that" he had a very angry look in his eyes, I didn't like that I want my happy sweet Mikey back.

"I swear when he comes back I'll … " he ripped his hand from mine, stood up and turned his back to me.

"Mikey" I got out of the bed and walked over to him, I lead my hand on his shoulder and faced him, I placed my hand on his cheek.

"please promise me that you won't blame Raph for what has happened" I whispered.

"what? Why?" he yelled, his yelling didn't do my head much good.

"he is your brother and my friend, he probably feels even worse than you right now, please I beg you, forgive him"

"he hurt you" placed his hand on my forehead, which actually seemed to vanquish a part of the pain.

"it was an accident" I whispered

"but …"

"please, do it for me? It scares me to see you like this" he hugged me close and kissed my hair.

"alright, sign, you are right … I'm sorry I would freak out again, I promise"

"alright, thanks" I hugged him back. "where is Raph anyway?"

"I don't know, he ran off when we were taking care of you" I could still hear a hint of anger in his voice that I didn't like but at least it didn't sounded like he was going to separate Raph and his shell anymore

"can you do something for me?"

"anything"

"could you like go and find Raph, please?" I pleaded.

"me?" he asked surprised.

"yeah, you, who else? Would you honestly send Leo after him?" Oh the horror !!

"no but Donnie..."

"...Donnie will be hovering around me tomorrow making sure every single cell in my body functions like it should, and you know it" I poked his plastron

"yeah, yeah" he didn't like leaving me, I know that I feel anxious too when he's gone.

"hey I'll still be here when you come back alright"

"yeah duh !! I'll have Donnie strap you to the table" he laughed, I would have laughed with him but I knew that he wasn't joking

* * *

Raph's POV

I woke up after a terrible nightmare, I got up and went topside. I wouldn't bother Casey or April it's the first place they would look. I'm not even sure if they'll look for me, then again Mikey may hunt me down. I stopped on the rooftop of the red eye club. Where two years ago I almost spiked Leo through the head, you'd think I'd learned my lesson then and there. Well what more do you need to prove that I'm completely fucked up.

"you know if tomorrow 's headlines says Mutant Turtle commits suicide, master Splinter isn't going to be happy" I heard someone say behind me, man I've been so lost into my own thoughts I didn't notice Mikey creeping up behind me.

"yer just sayin that cause he'll think you did it, if that's what yer doin here go ahead" I knew he would hunt me down, strange he doesn't seem that angry at all, he just sat down next to me.

"come on Raph, you know I'm not the one to hold grudges" yeah that's my job.

"she talked to you didn't she?" I guessed

"yeah she did, I was pretty angry at first, it wasn't at you though" yeah right.

"yer just tryin to make me feel better"

"no I'm not" he sounded honest, but he didn't sound like he normally did I recognized anger and bitterness in his voice he was angry at someone.

"it's not Leo's fault either"

"I'm not angry at any of you guys" he signed and let his head drop, not me, not Leo or Donnie, who's left?

"don't be angry at Andy please"

"dude it's like mentally impossible for me to be angry at her, no I was mad at myself, I promised her she wouldn't get hurt anymore after you know …" oh that's what this is about, yeah I remember, I don't think any of us could forget that day "...I promised I would keep her safe" he dropped his head even lower if possible.

"come on, don't do that to yourself, you know you can't protect her from everything, accidents happen especially with me around"

"you can't blame yourself either, dude"

"the hell I can" I'm the one who fucking punched her! she was unconscious!! fer cryin out loud !!

"you just lose it from time to time, your anger is part of who you are, you are like the hulk, it's your superpower"

"you're trying to make me feel better to compare me to a giant green monster, thanks a lot bro"

"you're not listening to me, hell I'm not really good at this, I just want to tell you that nobody blames you, not me, not Leo, especially not Andy"

"thanks bro" I nudged his shoulder. "how's she doing?"

"she's awake, just a headache, Donnie's checking her over"

"poor girl" when Donnie checks someone over he tends to go a little overboard from time to time, yeah she'll be bedridden for a while.

"yeah ... so what do you say? Come back and you get a rematch with Leo" he jumped up, grinning as always, tempting ... "I'll even support for you, I always wanted to be a cheerleader" he offered.

"nah I'm gonna stay out here for a while if it's alright with you"

"sure, but don't come home too late alright? if I know her she won't fall a sleep until she knows you're safe, no matter how many drugs Donnie gets into her system"

"well get your ass back down there before he does so"

"alright see yah, Don't fear my princess Mikey to the rescue !!" he yelled to himself, crazy fruitcake.

And he was off again, Mikey always had a talent for making us feel better about ourselves. It helped a little , to know that he isn't angry at me, but I still am, and that's not gonna change anytime soon. After a few hours of blaming myself about everything I did wrong in my life, which was more then I expected I returned home.

I didn't need a light to know my way around, my ninja senses allowed me to see almost perfectly in the dark. I saw a small light in the dark catching my attention, the only ones I knew that used a light to get around was Andy, April and Casey. And seeing that Andy's bedridden, and April and Casey out of town for today, there was only one option left; intruder and whoever it is, is heading right to our secret passage.

"come on there has to be one, where is it?" it was a girl, a girl all alone in the sewers looking for something near our lair . Enemy

I approached after her and knocked the source of light out of her hands, which happened to be a cell phone.

"what are you doing here?" I said angry.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm searching for a way out, I can't find the next sewer lid" she sounded scared, yeah who wouldn't be, I felt bad ... again

"calm down alright, look you're going the wrong way, this is very dangerous territory" technically not a lie everyone in a ten mile radius of my is in mortal danger.

"sorry, I don't know where I'm going, please will you help me? I'm lost" sign ,alright so I misjudged her intentions, and since I broke her cell.

"alright follow me" I grabbed her arm and dragged her along, she kept up well. After a few turns we reached the nearest ladder.

"here you are" I placed her hand on the bars.

"thanks" she said, she turned around, I couldn't see what she looked like I could tell she had long hair held in a ponytail, she was about the same hight as Andy, which was small, she sounded like a sixteen - seventeen year old.

"what are you doing in the sewers anyway?" I snapped, I didn't want it to be a habit for her to be snooping around here whatever her reasons were, better for her that she's afraid of me.

"well, what are you doing here?" she returned my question, she didn't sounded scared, still she spoke with a very sweet and shy voice.

"answer my question" I urged.

"you don't answer mine" she whispered

"alright, bye" I left, no reason for wasting my time here, I still had some business to take care of back at home.

"bye, thanks again, sir" she said, I stopped in my tracks abruptly she was actually the first one who thanked me for helping, I came to the conclusion that the only reason for that was because she couldn't see what I looked like.

"Raph" I yelled back, damn! I started to run I said to much already.

"Tanya" she said before she climbed up.

* * *

so sorry this took so long, I didn't know how Tanya and Raph were going to meet each other and I didn't want it to be during a rescue mission, well sort of, this is the best I could come up with I hope ou guys like it, please review I like to know what you think.

thank you Animelover210 and quay say for reviewing you guys rock !!

I'll try to update sooner next time, no promises though.


	5. second encounter

**Second encounter.**

Raph POV:

As I walked inside the lair, I found it pretty much abandoned, but then again you might get that when you come home at four am. Only a small light was burning inside Donnie's lab. I decided to take one quick look to see what kind of damage I caused.

Mikey was snoring sound in a chair next to the 'hospital' bed, to my surprise she wasn't asleep.

"hey kid" for some reason her eyes light up when she saw me standing in the doorway.

"hey Raph, you still have your shell" she said with a heavy voice, I grinned Donnie must have given her some painkillers or something.

"yeah, how are you doin' kid?" I walked next to her, but I wasn't planning on staying long so I kept standing.

"I had worse" yeah don't remind me.

"yeah, look …" I started, I actually practiced this.

"… please don't apologize, it wasn't your fault" she sat up straight.

"why aren't you sleeping?" I said ignoring her.

"are you kidding me? I've done nothing but sleep, they won't let me do anything else, I'm not even allowed out of this freaking bed!" she sounded pissed but, I knew she wasn't, she knows they're just worried, it happens when you live with four overprotective brothers.

"how long?" I asked.

"I have to stay here for another 27 hours 35 minutes and 40 no 39 seconds but who's counting" at least she's joking about it. "what did Mikey tell you?" she wondered.

"just that you're not angry at me and I shouldn't blame myself" I said it but I didn't believe the words.

"wow, he actually listened to me" she looked over to her boyfriend.

"yeah I figured you talked to him, I guess he was ready to rip me apart" it sounded like a joke but I've seen what Mikey was capable off when someone dared touch his girl, when I'm teasing him about this fact he usually says something in the lines of 'dude what would you do if someone scratched your bike?' of course Andy wasn't in hearing range at that time.

"sort of" she answered with a smile, most people would probably freak out with the extremely protective boyfriend Mikey is, but she kinda needs it you know, can't blame her though with all she's been through. Another pang of guilt flashed through me, I could still see her unconscious on the floor because of my hand.

"I'm not mad at you Raph, and you shouldn't be either" she said as if she could read my mind.

"yeah I should"

"accidents happen"

"yeah they seem to happen a lot with me around"

"hello why do you think April banned Mikey from her antique shop" she laughed, I just grinned.

"you know what I mean"

"Raph, come on this isn't your fault alright? Please don't blame yourself"

"yeah whatever I'm going to bed" I said and turned around, I heard her sign in defeat.

"good night" she whispered

"you too"

* * *

I didn't come out of my room a lot the next day, I only came out to eat something, for some reason master Splinter let me skip the training of today, probably because he doesn't want anyone else hurt, can't blame him though, I had to smile when Leo tried in vain to change his thoughts. When I was sure no one was paying attention to me I quietly snuck out, it was getting close to the nightly patrol and with Splinter asleep Leo would try and convince me to join, of course that would lead into a fight and I was not in the mood for that.

I hadn't stepped five steps out of the lair, when I heard a familiar voice, she's here again? she keeps getting closer to the lair, I have to scare her off somehow.

"where is it, where is it?" She was walking carefully through the sewers using the walls for support and guidance.

"back again?" she jumped, I guess she didn't hear me creeping up behind her.

"Raph is that you?" she remembers my name?

"yeah, here" I picked up the cell phone I knocked out of her hands yesterday.

"my cell thanks" she sounded really happy even if she said it in the same shy voice as last time.

"don't tell me you're down here to look for a stupid cell phone"

"eum ... yeah" she's lying, I know she's lying.

"don't lie to me! Why are you down here" I have to scare her off, she could be a spy or something and if Leo finds her this close to home he'll skin her alive ... alright maybe I exaggerate a bit.

"why are you down here?" she asked in the same sweet voice not a hint of fear, damn .

"answer my question" I snapped back, she flinched and took a step backwards.

"why? You don't answer any of mine" she answered back, she's braver then I gave her credit for.

"just leave and don't come back here"

"alright" what? she turned around and started to walk into another tunnel, the wrong one of course.

"you're going the wrong way" I couldn't just let her get lost in the sewers, I may be a jerk and all, but I'm not that bad.

"sorry" sorry? she apologized? she turned and took another way, this girl has no sense of direction what so ever.

"not that way either"

she looked around and was faced with at least three other possibilities, she turned towards me again and spoke quietly "could you like point me in the right direction, please"

"sign , come on"

"you don't have to walk with me" she whispered

"I can do whatever the hell I wanna do, alright" I snapped again.

"alright" she answered plainly, she even seemed to smile ... weird kid.

"and I just happen to go into the same direction as you so don't get any ideas alright"

"alright, thanks" I grabbed her by the arm, like I had done yesterday and dragged her along.

"you're a weird kid" I stated

"says the guy who lurks around in the sewers all the time"

"I'm not lurking around in the sewers all the time" hell I live here.

"then how do you know your way around here so well?"

"will yah stop prying already?"

"sorry, I'm just curious" again with the apologies.

"sign, just don't ask any sewer related questions"

"alright, so how old are you?" she asked, alright didn't see that one coming.

"20, you?" might get enough information out of this girl as I can.

"17, have any brothers or sisters?" with every question she asked her voice started to tremble more and more.

"yeah, you?" I answered less rude or so I thought

"no, how many?" she still seemed afraid, maybe it's because I grabbed her too hard, I loosened my hold on her arm a bit.

"5, 4 brothers, 1 sister" yeah Andy counts as a sister sort of, normally I would count in April and Casey too but I'm sticking with people who live in the sewer 6 siblings might bring up a whole lot of questions.

"big family" she started to look into all kind of directions now, what the hell is she doing? I don't sense any danger.

"I guess"

"I'm sorry if you don't want to talk, I'll just shut up, I'm just trying to distract myself, I don't like rats and the dark so much definitely not a combination" I'm going to start counting how many times she apologizes, this is getting ridiculous, I had to smile a bit about her fear of rats, so that's why she sounds so afraid, I wonder.

"yeah, why would someone who's afraid of rats and the dark be in the sewers past sunset anyway?"

"I thought we weren't going to ask any sewer related questions?" she had me there, I understand that people have secrets more then anything else but if I find her near our home again I'm going to get some answers it can't be a coincidence to find a girl in the sewers two nights in a row right in front of our doorstep.

"I thought you wanted to be distracted?" I said, a rat squeaked

"what was that?" she yelped and jumped, she turned on her cell phone and pointed the light in the direction of the noise, quickly I jumped in the shadows.

"kill the light" I yelled angry.

"why?" she tried to find me with her light but I was too fast, it gave me a chance to take a look at her though, she has long pitch black hair pulled back in a pony tail with a red ribbon, she's about the same hight as Andy, but there's something weird with her eyes, the color just doesn't seem normal, a weird kind of brown/purple maybe she's wearing contacts or something, I dunno, she certainly doesn't look 17, I also noticed a strange necklace hanging around her neck it's like a fiery red color almost the same color as my bandanna.

"just shut down the cell phone" I yelled back.

"but it will be easier with light and I want to see your face" yeah, maybe I have to climb out and reveal myself that way she'll think twice before climbing down a sewer again.

"look lady do you want to find your way alone out of the sewers?" I threatened.

"no" she whispered.

"then kill the damn light!" I yelled again from my hiding spot.

"sorry I didn't want to upset you" she turned off her cell and put it in her pocket.

"why do you apologize so much?" she jumped again, because I turned up right behind her and startled her.

"what?" she says confused

"you've like said I'm sorry a dozen times already" I took her arm again and started walking

"sor… it's a habit" she corrected herself quickly.

"so Tanya … it was Tanya right?" she nodded.

"yeah, you remembered" she sounded very cheerful for some reason, very weird kid.

" here you are, I hope there won't be a next time" I placed her hand on the ladder like yesterday.

"thanks for your help Raph, I really appreciate it" I was already starting to walk away.

"yeah, yeah" I smiled, weird but nice kid.

"bye" she said before climbing up.

* * *

a/n: alright this is proving more difficult than I thought, for the ones who are interested I posted drawings of Andy and Mikey, and Tanya ... sort of

here's the link check mopjeflauwmopje at deviantart

enjoy, please leave a review on your way out ^^


	6. volcano

**Volcano.**

Raph POV.

I stormed through the sewers, I never felt this angry, this betrayed before. Damn you Leo why do you always have to spoil everything!! I can't take it anymore!! I could feel the anger boiling inside of me again I felt like a volcano ready to irrupt any moment now, the only thing I needed was one little push and I would blow.

I walked away from the lair, thinking about the fight that just had taken place, the words echoed in my head.

* * *

Flashback:

I was going out to see if Tanya still wanders around the sewers, I didn't want to help her for all I cared she gets lost in the sewers I just don't want her anywhere near out lair, or so I told myself.

"where are you going Raph?" Leo appeared in front of me.

"out" I snapped and tried to pass him.

"yeah you seem to be doing that a lot, are you doing something I need to know about?" just mind yer own business !!

"no" I snapped again, I breathed in and out deeply I had to keep my cool.

"be back before training starts" he ordered.

"you're giving me a curview, now?" I turned around

"yeah, have a problem with that?" he got in my face

" you're not my boss Leo"

"yeah I am, if anything happens I'm responsible" oh no not this crap again.

" no you're not, what I do is none of your business"

"you're not doing that nightwatcher nonsense again are you?" okay that's it.

"stop acting like you know me Leo, you're embarrassing yourself … get out of my way" I pushed him, but he didn't budge.

"or what? You're going to hurt me? Yeah I noticed hurting family members is getting a habit for you" below the belt Leo, he noticed his mistake but it was too late to take it back, I didn't say anything and just walked out of the lair.

* * *

Damn!! I punched a wall.

"Raph is that you?" this was just the kind of push I needed, worst place worst time girl, I grabbed her by the neck and lifted her from the ground.

"now, you're going to tell me exactly why you're down here and what you're doing here!! " I yelled and backed her up against the sewer wall, she didn't even struggle.

"Raph calm down, you don't want to do this" she said calmly, doesn't she get scared ever!!

"you don't know shit what I want!!" I yelled again.

"yes I do, I know how you feel right now" she said calm again.

"oh yeah then you know what I'm going to do right now too" I threatened and squeezed a little harder.

"yes but I also know how you feel afterwards, right now it feels good doesn't it? the anger and adrenaline pumping through your veins I guess you're using every bit of self control not to snap my neck, but afterwards when the anger is gone and the adrenaline has disappeared from your bloodstream, you feel worse, you hate yourself, don't you?" I felt something burn on my hand, it was her necklace it turned black slowly and got hotter and hotter, I didn't pay much attention to that, she was dead on, I loosened my grip a bit.

"how do you … "

"… I don't know why you're like this now, but I know that if you don't stop right now you're not only going to destroy me but also yourself" she's right, the anger stopped boiling, the volcano went back to sleep.

I let her down carefully.

"thanks, any chance you're willing to tell me what has driven you so far?" she touched my arm but I flinched back.

"you don't have to tell me if you don't want to, it's just I've learned out of own experiences that talking about it is the only way to get rid of the anger" out of own experiences? She can't feel the same way I feel, she couldn't hurt anyone she's just a little girl. I decided to take my chances with her for some stupid reason I don't understand I trusted her and wanted to tell her, to share, to make her understand me a little bit more. Maybe I could understand her too.

"got into a fight with my older brother" I didn't know where to begin.

"alright what was the fight about?" she tried to help.

"I wanted to go out but he didn't want me to" I couldn't tell the entire truth as much as I may trust her.

"does that happen often?" she asked again.

"yeah, but this time it was different"

"did you fight?"

"no that would be normal" I grinned.

"so what happened?"

"a few days ago, Leo and I were sparring and I lost it, I got so angry I wanted nothing more than hurt him"

"and you did" she guessed.

"no, I … Andy … my sister she … I didn't see her she…" I couldn't finish that, it hurt too much, it seemed that when I told her about the accident I was committing it all over again.

"I'm sorry"

"you're apologizing again" I joked.

"yeah, so did Leo? … Say anything about Andy or something?" she guessed again.

"no, not exactly he just reminded me that people always get hurt around me"

"oh" we stayed quiet for a while

"I deserved it, look at you I hurt you too" even in the dark I saw the bruises forming on her neck

"no you didn't, how are you feeling now?"

"less angry" I said honestly.

"good" she smiled

"I don't think the problem is solved I'll still be angry in the morning" I could still feel the volcano inside of me.

"that's because you don't forgive yourself" she said, as if pointing out the obvious.

"how can I forgive myself?"

"if you don't you get angry on yourself and work it out on other people"

"how come you know so much, you're just a kid"

"look … I assume you don't want to go home anytime soon" she ignored me, she still was hiding something, I let it rest, I understand more than anyone the importance of having some secrets.

"yeah duh" of course I can't go home, I may have cooled off a little bit, but if I see Leo anytime soon it's going to be Vesuvius all over again.

"so I dunno, do you want to hang out at my place?" she's inviting me? Strange kid.

"you're inviting someone who just attacked you in the sewers inside of your house?"

"yeah … so?" she just shrugged it off

"I don't know" am I ready to show her the monster I truly am?

"I won't judge you on how you look, I promise" did I just say that out loud or something?

"how do you know that's even an issue?" it's strange how much she seems to know about me, like she can read my mind or something, it isn't impossible I've seen weirder things in my life, but then again that's what you get with Mikey as your brother.

"I don't, it's just … before with the light … I guessed it was because you didn't want me to see you" okay maybe not a mindreader.

"yeah , alright I'll come, maybe then I'll be able to scare you off"

"maybe" she laughed

We arrived at the manhole where I usually dropped her off, this time I didn't stay behind but followed her up. I didn't realized what bad neighborhood she had to went through, this is on the edge of purple dragons territory.

"what's the matter?" she probably wonders why I stayed behind.

"nothing, this is just a very bad neighborhood s'all" that's the understatement of the year.

"yeah, purple dragons are a bit of a problem sometimes" she knows the purple dragons?! Has she run into them? Maybe she's a spy or something?

"you run into them often? " I asked.

"no, not anymore" I watched her in the streetlight and saw her clearly for the first time, she wore a red sweater and black jeans, her hair was the same as before; tied back in with a red ribbon. There was something strange about her necklace I could swear that it was black later and now it's red again, I decided to let it drop, maybe it's one of those freaky mood testing thingies. There was still something wrong with the color of her eyes though, it just doesn't seem natural.

"listen I can't go into the streetlights alright so I'll just follow you from the rooftops"

"isn't that dangerous?" she looked worried .

"not for me" I grinned and jumped on top of the fire cases until I reached the top of the building, I wondered if she would be freaking out already, a normal person would be pretty scared to see something dark jump climb to the top of a building, but Tanya always seems to act in exactly the opposite way I expect her to.

* * *

**a/n: here it is, I'm sorry if I take too long to update, but I can't help it this was such a hard chapter to write, I have more bad news the next chapter will probably take even longer because I have finals in less then two weeks so ... I'll try to update as soon as possible though **

**thank you reviewers !! I love you guys (blows a kiss) **

**until next time Annie  
**


	7. secrets

**Secrets.**

Raph POV 

I watched her walk down the street, I followed her to her block. It didn't seem like she owned much money, the building she was living in looked like crap, still I shouldn't talk I live in the sewer for crying out loud. But right now I'm having second thoughts on showing her what I am. I mean what if this is a trap or something ? Or what if she freaks out and calls the cops, not that that would make any difference, I'd be gone before she can dial 911 and they'd probably lock her up in a mental hospital or something.

I'm just sick and tired of people judging me for the way I look it pisses me off and right now that's the last thing I need. Besides I'm really starting to enjoy her companionship, enjoying in meaning that she's the only person right now I who doesn't pisses me off, I feel strangely calm around her.

I study the windows of the building for a while looking for her, after a few seconds I heard something.

"Raph? Psst Raph are you there?" she was hanging out of a window at the top, luckily for me there was a fire escape next to said window. I landed soundlessly on it, still hidden in the shadows.

"you don't need to whisper you know, we're not doing anything illegal" I jocked, she yelped in surprise and almost tripped over her own feet.

"jeezes Christ Raph" she placed her hand over her hearth in an attempt to calm it down, what did I scare her already? , I didn't even got out of the shadows yet.

"what now you're afraid?" maybe this wasn't such a good idea

"I'm not I'm just a little jumpy you know" yeah right "well are you gonna hide outside all night or are you coming in?" she stepped aside and signaled for me to enter her small apartment.

"I dunno this isn't a good idea"

"oh come on, I think you're the one who's really afraid, you know I'm sure I've seen scarier guys then you" I don't know why I listened to her, maybe it was because if I didn't she would think I was afraid or maybe I realized this might be the only way to scare her off.

"alright, just try not to scream okay?" I tried to warn her.

"I promise I won't scream" there was a hint of humor in her voice that I knew would disappear as soon as she saw me so carefully I stepped out of the shadows, I closed my eyes awaiting the yell. When it didn't came I slowly opened my eyes and saw her looking at me with wide eyes.

"still think you've seen scarier guys?" why o why do I put myself in these situations what did you think Raph you could actually start a friendship with this girl?

"actually, yeah" she seemed to snap out of it.

"sure you do" was she trying to put on a brave face or something? She didn't seem afraid, but that didn't mean she wasn't.

"well are you going to come in or not?" she stepped aside to make room for me to pass. I carefully stepped inside watching her all the time, she was smiling? Weird chick.

"you're a turtle, that's so cool" what the hell, she's mental.

"now spill what's your secret?" I asked.

"what?" her smiled faded from her face as she heard the anger in my voice.

"how come you are not afraid of me huh? Are you a spy or something? Who do you work for" I stepped closer to her, she stood her ground and glared at me, she remained quiet until we were so close to each other that I could feel her breath on my chest plate.

"you know you really have trust issues, I invite a stranger in my house who tried to strangle me a couple of minutes ago and you don't trust me?" why else would she invite me in her house?

"exactly, why aren't you afraid of me like everyone else? Or are you just playing brave?" I could feel she was keeping something from me and I wanted to know what it was, though my instincts told me this girl isn't dangerous.

"maybe you aren't as scary as you think you are and maybe I'm not like everyone else, maybe I understand what's it like when everyone judges you on how you look" this was the first time I saw her angry, I found it strangely enjoyable she was like a little kitten trying to impersonate a tiger.

"yeah how would you know? You're a human a little human girl" she smiled and walked away, she stopped in front of a mirror.

"damn, I really need to get stronger ones" she whispered as she started to pull lenses out of her eyes, what the hell? This has to be the strangest girl in the world.

"I didn't scream at you now you don't scream at me alright?" she warned, what the hell? She walked over to me with her eyes closed, when she was close enough she stopped.

"I know it isn't as impressive as a shell on your back but …" she opened her eyes. I was taken aback a bit, I've never seen eyes like that, well maybe in those freaky cartoons Mikey watches. Her eyes had the deepest shade of red I've ever seen, it made her look slightly dangerous even though she has to be one of the shyest and kindest persons I've ever met.

"that's it? Red eyes?" I knew there was something wrong with the color of her eyes.

"yeah you know, it doesn't require a mutagen to make people afraid of you, I got bullied a lot and people tend to fear me, I know it isn't as 'scary' as your problem but I know not to judge people by how they look" she sat down in the couch that was situated in the middle of the 'living room'.

People can be cruel, maybe I was a bit harsh on her.

"now I usually wear color contacts to cover them up" she smiled at me and signaled that I could sit down.

"you know I like them better this way, they seem way more natural now" I sat down next to her.

"thanks" she blushed a bit, I guess she doesn't get much compliments.

"so you don't think I'm scary? Not at all, you see I have a reputation to keep high" I joked.

"well, you could always work on an evil laugh or something" she laughed while rubbing her neck, where dark bruises where starting to form.

"where is your refrigerator?" I asked. She looked at me puzzled by my sudden question.

"over there", she pointed behind her, were a small kitchen was situated. I walked over to the fridge and opened the freezer cabin, I spotted a cold pack I took it and handed it over to her.

"here, it's starting to color up already" why whenever I am mad there is always a little girl nearby.

"thanks" she whispered.

"I'm sorry for that you know" I pointed to the bruises on her neck, great just what I needed some more guilt.

"wow" she stared at me with those big red eyes of her.

"what?"

"you're being nice to me" she smiled, again strange kid.

"yeah well, you didn't deserve that so …" man I'm more comfortable being the badguy.

"don't worry I've had worse" she turned the cold pack to another side of her neck

"maybe but still I'm sorry"

"stop apologizing already it's annoying", she said mimicking what I said to her a couple of days ago. I grinned. She seemed more confident than when we first met.

"what's with the sudden attitude change?" I asked

"what do you mean?"

"well you stopped stuttering and you got angry at me" maybe I should try to get her angry again, I think she looks very cute when she does.

"well yeah, I guess I feel more comfortable around you now" comfortable around me? Yeah definitely more comfortable being the badguy.

"so where is your family?" I asked, I noticed that there were no pictures on the wall and she's too young to live alone.

"I never knew them, actually" she answered, she looked as if she was bringing up painful memories.

"oh" was all I could say.

"what about your family, are they all …" she seemed to have trouble finding a good, non offensive word for the way I look.

"teenage mutant ninja turtles?" I helped her out

"yeah" she had to laugh at that, I don't blame her it's something stupid Mikey came up with when we were younger, we would pretend that we were superheroes and superheroes had to have a catchy cool name, though in my opinion it was neither.

"pretty much, except our dad, he's a mutant rat"

"oh …" I saw a glimpse of fear in her eyes when I said the R word.

"yeah I noticed you're not too keen on rats" I remembered her being jumpy all the time we were in the sewers because of the constant movements of the rats.

"yeah, no offence but I think they're very creepy, they crawl around eating anything they can find, gross" she shuddered.

"none taken, well master Splinter doesn't crawl around and actually he's very picky on what he eats" yeah you should see his face when Mikey gets in one of his I eat everything I can find moods.

"and is there a misses Splinter" I had to laugh at that

"no it was just master Splinter razing the four of us" I answered.

"four? I thought you said you have four siblings, three brothers and one sister?" girl has a good memory.

"yeah well Andy isn't a turtle, she's my youngest brothers girlfriend"

"really? And is she a human?" she found this topic very interesting, like she was watching days of our lives or something.

"well yeah"

"so why do you seem to think that all humans are bad and can't be trusted?" she made a point.

"well she made a very good first impression"

"I don't want to pry or something, but it sounds like there is a very good story behind that" she moved the coldpack around and got comfortable in her couch.

"well it's kinda of a long story" I didn't know where to begin, I can't tell the entire story that would take too long and I can't tell too much about Andy's past either it's not my story to tell but I guess the rough lines should be enough to satisfy her.

"go ahead" she urged.

"well, we were in south America, the amazon forest for some special kind of training"

"how do you get to the amazon forest and what kind of training?" Damn I didn't even got through a sentence yet and she started to ask questions already and I didn't even started the real story yet, at this rate I'll never get to finish it, besides I don't like it when people interrupt me even if they're as cute as this one.

"will yah save your questions for later? One story at a time" I tried not to sound too harsh.

"sorry" she smiled and pulled her knees to her chest.

"well we were practicing our stealth and fighting off poachers, when we heard an alarm go of, one of the traps, we went to check it out and free the animal, but something went wrong and Mikey got stuck in a trap, we heard the poachers close in, and then suddenly out of nowhere this little monster comes running straight towards us, she pushed me aside and asked me if she could borrow my toothpick thingy, she tinkered a bit with the trap and got Mikey out, the poachers caught up with us, but they weren't after us but after her, so we ended up saving her too. She was beaten up quite badly so we took her to our tree house where Donnie could play doctor on the both of them, Mikey and Andy had to lay still next to each other for a week or two and they really bonded, one thing led to another and …"

"…. they fell in love" she finished my sentence, I didn't mind.

"well yeah, quite gross sometimes actually" I imagine Mikey and Andy sitting all lovey dovey in each other laps.

"still did she come with you to New York, because she loved him so much?"

"yeah, it was either that or he would stay behind"

"that's so sweet" she cooed.

"I guess if you're into that stuff" I'm not

"you must care for her very much"

"sure, like I said she's like my little sister you know"

"yeah, you make a hell of a brother" stop with the compliments already !!

"yeah, we're all kinda overprotective of her, especially Mikey" I still can't believe he didn't kill me when I punched her.

"yeah hey, do you want something soda? Water? I think I have a beer too" she got up and ran to the kitchen

"soda's fine, master Splinter will kill me enough as it is" alcohol is a strict no no in the lair.

"oh, I don't want to get you in trouble, you can go if you want" she said when she came back with two bottles of soda.

"no, that's fine, Leo's going to make me look bad anyway" stupid Leo …

"Leo he is the oldest right?"

"yeah"

"you two fight a lot, why is that" she gave me a soda. "I'm sorry if I'm asking too much questions, I just find you very interesting"

"yeah not every day you find a giant turtle in the sewers"

"no it's not that, just I don't know, I just want to know why you're so angry and sad all the time" sad? Angry alright I want to look angry but do I look sad too? How can a person look both angry and sad at the same time? I decided to drop it.

"well Leo is the oldest, and master Splinter has made it his job to be the great and divine leader you know"

"and you don't like being dominated"

"no I don't"

"me and my brothers we, because of what we are we have to be able to defend ourselves and we learned how to fight, we use our skills to beat criminals to a pulp"

"wow, you're like a super hero"

"Mikey likes to think so"

"well I can see you doing the entire vigilante thing it suits you" yeah beating bad guys to the ground blowing up head quarters … sounds like me.

"yeah, anyway so sometimes I go off, usually after a fight with Leo, so sometimes I mess up and people see what I look like, and yeah they scream … a lot"

"that isn't fair" she looked down.

"what?"

"so you save people's lives and when they see you they run away?"

"most of the time"

" well humans can be cruel sometimes" yeah tell me about it.

We talked like that during the entire night, she fell asleep somewhere between five or six, that was my cue to leave, I don't care what Leo or master Splinter has in store for me when I get home this was definitely worth any punishment they can throw at me. Tanya is a very strange girl but she seems to really get were I'm coming from and she never once judged me for what I look like, she's a good friend but I can sense that there still is something she's not telling me, I just want to know what that is.

And you know in order to protect my family I have to find out what that secret is, so I just have to visit her every day in order to get to her bottom … err to the bottom of her. That's all just a search for information I'm sure that once I learn her secret she will no longer hold my interest and I won't have to see her again.

Yeah just keep telling yourself that.

* * *

a/n: I am so sorry for the late update! Please don't kill me!! in my defense my computer crashed ( o cut the crap already you were just plain lazy !!) well maybe a combination of both ? (that's more like it)

It's thanks to you my trusty reviewers that I got through this chapter so thank you !!

I promise I will finish the story

tell me what you think please


	8. girlfriend?

**Girlfriend?**

Raph POV

Much to my surprise no one was waiting for me when I got home, I thought for sure that Leo wouldn't let a change like this pass to lecture me some more. Well at least now I can go to sleep without have to go through all of that crap first.

I was half asleep already when I hit my bed, I didn't even bother to pull off my mask.

It seemed like I just closed my eyes before they were forced open again.

"he doesn't look hurt or something" I heard someone whisper.

"oh come on, did you see how angry he was when he ran off? He has to have some kind of damage somewhere from fighting purple dragons or something"

"seriously Andy he seems fine, now let's get out of here before he wakes up"

I don't know what woke me up, the not subtle whispers or the light shining in my eyes, I didn't care I just wanted to go back to sleep, I opened my eyes and searched for my alarm clock, which has miraculously has survived the week this has to be the toughest one yet. Eleven am? Oh come on!

"crap, I'm outa here" I saw a blur of green and purple disappear from my door opening

"wuss" Andy whispered.

"when are you gonna learn stealth?" yeah, what are you thinking Raph, she's almost as loud and clumsy as Mikey is.

"oh come on, I thought that was pretty stealthy if you ask me" she joked.

"sure" I grinned "what was all that about anyway?"

"Donny's afraid that you'd bite his head off because we woke you up, you aren't exactly a morning person you know" she sat on my bed and even when she was smiling I could tell that there was something bothering her, she kept looking at me.

"actually I meant why you were here in the first place"

"it's just that usually when you come back from your 'venting' you need some kind of medical attention"

"I wasn't out 'venting'"

"oh" she stared down to my floor.

"is there something wrong?" I asked, she wasn't acting like herself normally she was all bouncy and happy in the morning, really annoying actually.

"I'm worried about you Raph"

"why?"

"you aren't acting like yourself"

"what do you mean?"

"usually you would have thrown your alarm clock at us or something and you would have been mad and yelling and stuff, but you're not it's like you have forgotten about yesterday, you can't keep it in you know"

"I'm not, don't worry about me okay, I'm fine"

"you don't talk to me anymore, and you're out every night, don't be angry at me but you aren't doing anything illegal are you?" she said very careful, knowing that she was asking the exact same thing Leo was telling me yesterday; what are you doing that we can't know about?

"no I'm not" I said in all honesty, seriously can't a guy keep a secret around here, well I guess that Leo is gonna keep watch all the time now and like that I can't go out and meet Tanya like I used to, so I'm gonna need help, Andy will understand I've thought about letting her in on this.

She got up and headed for the door figuring the conversation was over.

"wait" I got up and closed the door and turned the light of my room on. "you have to promise not to tell this to anyone, not even Mikey alright" she smiled.

"I promise" she loved to be let in on big secrets.

"I've … the last couple of weeks I've been out because … well you remember the night that I knocked you out" I don't like to bring that up "I ran away, I was outside and after Mikey told me it was alright to come back down and I ran into someone in the sewers"

"you ran into someone … ?" she started, wanting me to continue.

"yeah, she was lost in the sewers and …"

"she?" she grinned.

"yeah, Tanya"

"oh my Raph I did not see this coming" she punched my arm and sat on my bed with her legs crossed.

"what?" she was looked at a very strange way and smiling like no tomorrow, did she know something I don't? it's probably a girl thing.

"nothing, please continue" she waved her hand

"so at first I didn't trust her at all, especially not since she showed up the next day at the exact same place at the exact same time, but I couldn't just leave her there she was lost and afraid so I showed her the way out, besides I couldn't let her snooping around near our lair"

"so this Tanya, has she seen you yet?" she asked very carefully.

"well yeah, yesterday, I was very angry and I ran into her, I kind a hurt her and I felt guilty, but she invited me to her apartment and we talked"

"she didn't freak out?" she looked a bit shocked by that fact.

"no, I was surprised about that too"

"so what's the problem, you aren't doing anything illegal or something, why don't you just tell Leo you will set him at ease and he'll back off" yeah right as if it's that easy

"yeah and after that we'll all go to the shredder and invite him for tea, you know Leo he'll be all, she can't be trusted! It's my duty to protect our family!"

"yeah, you have a point, what does she look like? Is she nice? Can I meet her?" she bounced of the bed and just kept bouncing up and down like a five year old in a candy store, yep like a female version of Mikey.

"she's very little about your height" she punched me in the arm for that one "she has long black hair that she always keeps in a ponytail with a red ribbon, she very nice and a little shy and no you can't"

"why not?" the jumping stopped and she pouted.

" well I trust her and all, but she's keeping something for me and until I know what that is I don't want you two to meet each other, besides like Mikey will let you outside after sunset"

"oh come on, if I have to help you sneak out, you have to help me too"

"what do you mean?" did I let her in on that part of my plan yet?

"please Raph I'm not stupid, you want me to tell Leo that everything is alright and that he should get of off your back or something so you can go out and 'talk' with your girlfriend" damn I forgot, she is smart, yeah on some planes she's the exact opposite of Mikey, wait one second GIRLFRIEND?

"what?! She's not my girlfriend!!"

"yeah, yeah, my point I want to meet her at least once please?" *puppy eyes*

"oh please, I grew up with Mikey"

"damn, I really thought I had that move down, anyway I'll help you out, please let me meet her, please !!" she whined.

"alright, alright, but after I find out her secret okay"

"oh come on" she stamped her foot.

"take it or leave it" I already had won this round.

"no, no, no …" she was determent to stand her ground but …

"… Andy? Where are you?!!" Mikey yelled from the kitchen.

"she's in here, she's annoying me!!" I yelled back, and grinned at her. One second later my little brother came rushing through the door.

"there you are, waking up Raphy again huh, I remember the days that that was my job, good old days, good old days" Mikey said as he glomped Andy.

"well, get yer girlfriend outta here, so I can go back to sleep" I said to him.

"come on Andy, it's Saturday, you know what that means cartoons!!" he grabbed her arm and dragged her out of the room

"this isn't over" she whispered to me before she was dragged out of my eyesight

"yeah it is" I nodded and got back to sleep.

* * *

Tanya POV

My alarm clock went off at 8 o clock, damn you!! What am I doing in the living room? I tried to remember what I did last night, did I fall asleep in front of the television again? No the tv is turned off.

Did I drink so much on my own? I thought when I saw eight empty cans of soda lying on the table. Raph !! I remember now, I invited Raph over. I noticed the blanket draped over me, he must have tucked me in when I fell asleep. He really isn't that bad when he's not trying to kill me.

Damn, last night was a close call, I walked past the mirror to the bathroom. Luckily for Raph I was able to restrain myself otherwise we would have one death turtle right now.

I washed my face, I couldn't help myself what was I thinking inviting him over here? Good thing he calmed down I don't know how long I could have kept Sophia from intervening.

I looked at myself as I took the ruby red gem on my necklace in my hand. Raph may think he's a monster because what he looks like on the outside but I'm a monster on the inside, I'm sorry Raph. But I have no choice.

* * *

Leo POV.

I watched Raph come down the stairs for breakfast, even though it was past noon already. I heard him come in when I was busy with my morning training at 6 am.

I didn't say anything about it, because I felt guilty for what I said. I know that it wasn't his fault that Andy had gotten hurt that night, it was an accident. I just had gotten so desperate and angry that I couldn't grab his attention, I'm really screwing up as a big brother and as a leader.

But still I have to know what he's hiding, why he is out all the time. If I know Raph it's nothing good and he could bring himself and our family in danger. And I'm not going to let that happen.

* * *

a/n: thank you for all the ones that have reviewed! Zabbi and anna547 you guys rock!!

I hope you like this chapter, please review again ^^


	9. no way

**No way.**

Leo's POV

I was trying to follow Raph and finally discover what the hell he was up to. It shouldn't be too hard for a ninja master, just wait for him to go outside like he did every day around the same hour and follow him from a distance. Of course Raph's ninja skills are about as lethal and developed as mine so he is definitely not to be underestimated, but it wasn't impossible.

If Raph was careless enough to leave every day at the same time then maybe he wouldn't be as attentive as normally, besides he doesn't know I'm onto him.

* * *

We're now one week later and still I haven't reached my goal, in fact I haven't even made it out the door. Every time I even tried to follow him Andy somehow intervened, she'd either keep me busy for hours teaching her a new move, searching for a book she'd lost, helping her make tea … this couldn't be a coincidence, did she know what Raph was up to?

And even if she did, why was she helping him? Didn't she know how dangerous Raph could be sometimes? Or the dangers he could unintentionally inflict upon us all?

That was just it she has experienced firsthand how dangerous Raph could be, she also would never do anything to bring this family in danger, she loved Mikey too much and we were the only family she had left so that was out of the question, did she really think Raph's actions could be justified somehow and if they were why didn't she tell me?

It all just didn't make any sense to me, and the more I thought about it the more irritated and angry I got.

But today would be different, even if I had to go through her to get to Raph so be it.

I was in the dojo meditating when I heard Raph leave, right on time. I walked to the front door and was about to follow him.

"hey Leo!" a loud voice yelled from behind me. I ignored her and continued for the door. She ran and stood between me and the door "hasn't anyone told you it's mean to ignore people?" she asked a little irritated.

Again I didn't answer I shoved her aside and continued to go outside, I was too angry at Raph for getting our little sister involved in this to care that I maybe have shoved her a little too hard when I strode outside.

Raph was nowhere to be seen, but it was the little things like the disturbed water surface, the faint sound of footsteps and the familiar sense of my hotheaded brother that told me exactly where I could find him.

After a while I caught up with him I kept hidden in the shadows and watched him standing in an intersection of the sewers, just staring in the darkness.

At first I was afraid he might have sensed my presence because of the way he stood there staring in one direction. But he wasn't staring at me, I would have expected him to search for a secret hide out or somewhere he would have hidden his nightwatcher suit or something like that. No instead he just stood there, it was pissing me of, maybe he did know I was here and he was just trying to get me to reveal my hiding place. But that wasn't exactly his style, no if Raph knew I was here I would have gotten an entirely different reaction.

Five minutes later a faint light could be seen in the direction Raph was staring, wait a second is he smiling? I knew it he's waiting for someone!

I frowned, Raph you idiot.

"heya, what's with the flashlight?" Raph asked surprisingly gentle.

"yeah, I figured that it would be nice to actually see where I'm going or in my case what I'm tripping over" a small voice joked, a girl?! Raph's meeting a girl in secret?!!

* * *

Raph's POV

I had to laugh when Tanya came into my view, pointing at everything that looked suspicious with her flashlight.

"you know, down here it you don't always want to see what you're tripping over" I joked, she paled a little bit.

"yeah I know, but it saved me from stepping on a dead rat" she shuddered.

"come on let's get outta here" I grabbed her hand and led the way out of the sewers

"yeah, so how was your day?" she sounded very happy considering we were walking in a dirty sewer.

"as usual" I answered shortly, hoping she would drop the subject.

"did you talk to your brother already?" did she actually think we talk about our problems? We weren't some weird perfect family you saw on tv, heck no.

"no" Besides I haven't even seen Leo for a while, I think he's avoiding me

"I'm not trying to tell you what to do or something, but maybe Leo feels guilty about your fight" this girl doesn't get a hint

"so he should, can you just drop it ok, I don't feel like talkin about that!"

"ok" finally, now what? I looked over her and saw that she lost her happy mood somehow, come on Raph don't feel guilty about this, you just sticking with her because you want to know what she is hiding. Maybe I over reacted a bit she was trying to help, wait a second where the hell did that come from?

"look I'm sorry ok" I only apologized because I have to gain her trust, I have to pretend to be her friend … yeah keep telling yourself that buddy.

"I understand, it's nothing, well remember that you can't stay long today because I have to babysit the children of my neighbor and you know" there was the happy Tanya again, she told me this yesterday I didn't like it because now I have to spend the rest of my day at home, watching Leo avoid me, honestly I better prefer this than the other way around, but still me and Leo just don't mix too well.

"yeah, yeah whatever"

"I'll make it up to you, I'll make cookies tomorrow and it is a Friday tomorrow so no homework?" I could live with that, I grinned at her at that.

"you'd better make some damn good cookies then, if I'm to spend the rest of my day with Leo"

"I promise" she giggled.

* * *

Later that day:

Leo POV

"bye Raph" the girl said while waving at him as he climbed out of her window, I have to say I was pretty surprised when I knew his secret, I had been prepared for the worst.

"see yah" he grinned and jumped to the ally below, then again maybe this is far worse than playing vigilante.

It was a bit before eight when Raph left, I decided to keep an eye on this girl for a while, I was still so angry at Raph I couldn't care with who Raph got along with but he could at least have told me that he got so personal with a human. I infuriated me beyond belief that this had been going on for months.

Didn't he know that she could be a foot ninja or a purple dragon member or some other sick organization we had yet to cross paths with.

But I had to deal with this tactfully, it wouldn't do any of us any good if Raph found out that I knew about this girl before he got a chance to tell me, even if I was sure he would never tell me about this.

I just sat there watching the girls window, discussing my next move with myself when I felt an evil presence approaching. It wasn't a foreign one, no this chill that crawled over my shell I was very familiar with indeed. Foot ninja or better yet Karai.

She jumped onto the girls rooftop and entered the building, coincidence I didn't think so. She knocked on the girls door and she opened. I grabbed hold of my katana, pride or no pride if Karai was going to harm this girl to get to Raph I wouldn't let her get through with it.

But then the girl wasn't surprised when the black clothed mistress of darkness entered her living room like she lived there. Karai handed her an suitcase, which was without doubt filled with dirty money.

So I was right after all, this girl is a foot spy. I waited until Karai vanished in the shadows of the night and just saw her tucking the tick bundle underneath her mattress, and I took off. I was angry at Raph for being so naïf, I was mad at myself for letting this get so far, I was angry at Andy for siding with him but most of all I was sad for Raph because I could see that he was happy believing this girl was his friend.

But he could get through it, he had to, just one problem how am I going to tell him?

* * *

an: sorry I didn't update sooner, school is really hell right now and I have a lot of work so ...

LIAR !!!

ok ok, it maybe had something to do that I'm getting lazy, sorry I'll try to update sooner, but I won't promise anything, only that I'll finish the story

it might take a while but I'll finish it alright?


	10. Who are you?

**Who are you?**

Raph POV

I walked down to the sewers to the lair, I just came back from Casey, we drank a few beers and watched some tv, normally we would have gone out busting some heads, but April had forbidden him that kinda action, a few weeks ago he came home with a bleeding head wound, nothing to serious, it wasn't even the criminals fault, the bonehead slipped and hit his head against a garbage can. She'll get over it in a few weeks maybe we will be out playing vigilante again until then, he's grounded.

I had no choice but to laugh at him. I walked home grinning while I remembered his face when April came into the room when he was putting his mask on, hilarious.

When I entered the lair everything was quiet and dark, not even light from underneath Donnie's lab.

Strange, I went to the lab to grab a soda when Leo came into view.

"Raph, I need to talk to you" here we go, what's with all the talkin today?

"make it short Leo" wonder what he wants? Maybe he's apologizing? Nah, we don't apologize, still I kinda like the idea of fearless begging for forgiveness.

"well there isn't any easy way to say this so I'll just say it, She's a foot spy Raph I saw Karai going into her apartement tonight giving her a suitcase of money"

"And which girl are we talking about here Leo?" I felt the anger bottling up insida me, it's unbelievable how fast Leo can tick me off, in just 5 seconds.

"You know which girl, I'm talking about Raph, the one you've been seeing for the past couple of months meeting secretly in the sewers"

"you followed me didn't you?"

"of course, I had no choice and good that I did, otherwise you might have led the foot right in here"

"I wasn't about to show her where we live, Leo, I can't believe it!!! You're worse than a parent!! YOU ASSHOLE !! WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?? Just because splinter named you the leader doesn't mean that you can spy on me in your free time just because you don't have a life!!"

"as a matter o fact yes it does!! Don't you realize this is dangerous for our family you even involved Andy in this what if the foot figured out she is one of us, huh ever thought of that"

"I'm going out"

"Raph come back"

"by all means try and stop me Leo, I'd love to bust your head right about now"

* * *

Tanya's POV

I woke up from a terrible nightmare, this one was worse than the ones I usualy have to deal with, I couldn't even fully remember what is was about just the burning of my eyes and the whistle in my ears that caused my head to hurt told me that it was one hell of a nightmare.

"it's just a dream it's just a dream calm down, calm down, I'm not in danger I'm not in danger" I said to myself as if it would help anything about my condition.

After a few moments the pain subbed, I stumbled to the bathroom to wash my face, I looked into the mirror and saw that my eyes were still glowing, but it wasn't so bad as before, my necklace was stuck between red and black so that meant I could still keep in control.

Then I heard something in the living room, like someone was barging through it.

"no not now"

**Let me out**

It's nothing, it's nothing

**Let me out**

I opened the door to the living room and found that Raph was standing in the middle of the room, I was relieved it was him, though that only lasted a minute when I saw what he was looking at.

"Raph? What are you doing here?" I asked. He turned around, and he shot me a look that told me that right now there was only hatred in his hearth.

"did something happen Raph"

"yeah you can say that, I know your secret"

"…" he knows how can he … he knows, no, no it can't be he can't, no

**Let me out, I can help you**

"I don't know what you are talking about" I backed away from him, I tried to put as much space between us as I possibly could, in case Sophia would intervene

"oh yeah" he threw the suitcase with money at my feet, " I know everything, Karai gave that to you didn't she"

"yes" does he know her?

"I know why you are in the sewers , you didn't fell through a hole did you?"

"Raph you have to understand, I didn't have a choice I couldn't fight them they forced me"

"bull!!" He yelled and came closer and closer " People like you are the real monsters out there, you are the freak not me" that really stung, I could feel myself weakening because of his words, I thought I've gotten used to the insults people threw at me I heard them every day but when someone you trust says them it breaks your heart in a thousand pieces or in my case what is left of it.

"Raph don't" I begged him, I could feel my anger rising, I don't know how long I was going to stay in control

**You're angry too, let me out, let the anger out, we can do this together you will feel a lot better**

"and another thing, I know you are not as vulnerable as you look" He really knows, but how, how did he, I clasped my hand around my necklace I could feel it burning just as much as my eyes, they hurt, I can't keep it in, I really can't.

**Then let go**

No you will hurt Raph, I can't let you do that

**Danger**

"Raph leave, please" I fell to my knees and begged, if he starts beating me now I won't be able to keep Sophia in control

"oh I'll leave alright, but if you ever come in the sewers again, I will kill you!!" he spat at me.

"no" no, no, no I can't, I have no choice. Someone is going to die.

I watched climb out of my window and out of my life, when I saw that all the anger disappeared and made place for another emotion; sadness.

I don't know how long I sat on the floor crying, I hated myself so much I can't even begin to describe it.

* * *

Raph POV

No matter how many wounds I've gathered in my years as a ninja, no matter how many times a blade has sliced through my skin or how many blows to the head I have received none of that comes even close to the pain I am feeling right now.

I really trusted her and yet she's no different than everybody else, she didn't want to be my friend, she didn't like me, she's the enemy. I can never ever have what Mikey or Casey has, someone who accepts you for who you are, someone who loves you no matter what.

I'm just a freak and freaks stay alone. That's the story of my life.

I saw Leo standing in the kitchen he walked up to me as I entered.

"before you say anything, can you please be my brother right now and not my leader?" I was even too broken to be mad at Leo, I couldn't feel anything else but the scoring pain in my heart.

"sure Raph, can I get you anything?"

"no, can you just leave me alone"

"yeah, sure"

"I'll be in my room"

I went into my room and just dropped myself on my bed, I vaguely heard the voices of Donnie, Leatherhead and Leo in the kitchen. I just stared at the ceiling, while recalling every insult anyone has ever thrown at me.

Then my door busted open and Leatherhead came through, followed by my brothers who where apparently just as surprised at his behavior then I was.

"what was her name?!" he yelled.

"what?"

"Did she say her name was Tanya or Sophia?"

"what are you talking about"

"answer the question Raphael, Tanya or Sophia?"

"Tanya, why"

"thank god, thank god" he fell to his knees and started crying?!

"what the hell, are you talking about?" I yelled, how did he know him and why is he acting like this?

"you IDIOT!!" he jumped up and, slammed me against the wall.


	11. Tanya?

**Tanya?**

Andy's POV

I walked through the sewers to my little apartment, to say I was pissed would be a serious understatement. Stupid Leo, stupid Raph. I didn't do anything to get treated like this.

Do you even know how hard it is to keep Leo distracted? I mean it's Leo we're talking about the master of concentration and discipline, not even so much of a thank you I get, I can't take it anymore !! Even Mikey figured out something was wrong and I couldn't tell him, I can't keep secrets from him. Stupid Raph, stupid Leo. And Leo I know he's mad at Raph and all I get that and okay I get he's mad at me for siding with Raph but come on pushing me to the ground was really crossing the line.

I pushed the lid of the sewers open, Mikey would kill me if he knew I went home alone, but I didn't care I just had to get out of there I'll deal with his worries tomorrow . "auch damn it!!" I yelled out, I know I've had a hell of a lot worse but come on, have you ever tried to open a sewer with a bruised elbow? Okay fair enough maybe you haven't so let me tell you it hurts.

So after a while I got into my apartment well, I immediately hunted down a coldpack to hold on my elbow before it started to swell. Mikey will throw a fit as much as it is. I placed myself in front of the television with my two best friends, ben and jerry's. And put on some random cartoon I vaguely remembered from my childhood. I'm glad that it was my left arm that was injured and not my right, because if I had to feel pain every time I scooped my comfort food someone really was going to be in trouble.

But after a while the ice cream and the cartoons worked their magic. I never had the ability to remain angry for a long time and after when I thought things over Leo and Raph were justified somehow. If Raph wasn't going to let me in I shouldn't force him and I should have known how Leo would respond when someone threatened his family.

I placed my now empty bowl of ice cream in the sink and turned off the tv. I looked outside and kinda wished I saw Mikey there, with his goofy grin waving at me. I thought it was weird that he hadn't even called all night, but I knew he was probably out patrolling or something, besides he thinks I'm still in the lair.

Now that I think of it, this would be the first time I slept here alone, sad isn't it? Mostly I spend my time underground with the guys and the nights Mikey would be out I always slept there in his bed, so that in the morning he could cuddle in beside me. Even if I slept here he was always with me, it's so addictive feeling his strong arms around me, his steady heartbeat against my back and his warm breath in my neck.

I laid myself in bed and placed some pillows behind me, so I could at least pretend he was there, since when did I get so depended on someone, I know I could live on my own fine, I did it before I met Mikey, problem is I can't imagine how I did that. How I could be happy without him. I guess I could call him, but I refused to do that, I know he probably wouldn't mind but I was just too damn proud to admit I could not spend one night without him.

Of course I didn't sleep that night, he did call around three or something, asking why I wasn't in the lair. I got more than enough time to figure out an excuse, I hate lying but I don't want to be the cause of a fight between them.

He told me that after he and Donny stopped some kind of robbery, they went to a friend of theirs, Leatherhead a mutant crocodile, he said that he fell asleep over there because of all the nerdiness or something. I had to smile when he said that, I could picture it two scientists discussion some theory while working on some high tech computer and Mikey's face trying to keep up with them.

I wonder if it's the same face I see on Donny when Mikey and me are having a discussion about who we think is the best superhero. I giggled a bit when I thought about that, earning a few weird glances from people that were passing me on the street, I was on my way to work. I found work in the New York zoo, I was in control of the reptile house, I don't know what people have against reptiles anyway. On my break I always watch the turtle tank, it's just so cute to watch all the little turtles trying to climb the glass to teach you.

The guys from work always wonder about my strange fascination with them, I had to laugh at that too again earning a strange glance, what is it with people these days can't I be happy or what I laugh if I want to laugh.

"hey Andy!" someone called behind me when I entered the zoo.

"hey joey" he was a friend of mine, he was in charge of the big cats along with a few others. He was fun to be around but so annoying sometimes, anyway the day went by quickly and before I knew it I was on my way home, I even got to leave early because it was a quiet day.

I decided to go straight to the lair, I missed Mikey too much, but when I was about to turn into an alley where I knew was a sewer lit I saw that there were a few people in there. There were three guys and one girl.

"come on freak, we do this every day, what's with all the commotion today?"

"please leave me alone, I don't want to go in there, please" the girl begged, those bastards, were they forcing her to go into the sewers?

"Come on we're only helping you of your fears, hey lift the lid already" the biggest one said, the jerk, they were a few years younger then me, but the girl seemed about my age. Come on Andy think about the ninja moves Leo taught you, be like the water. Alright here we go, oh I'm so dead if he finds out about this.

"hey you leave her alone of I'll call the cops!" I threatened, I held my phone to let them see I meant it. The two minions turned in my direction while the other one merely smirked at me.

"she's pretty" a shiver ran across my back, when minion number one said that.

"if she calls the cops before you can deal with her I'm going to take my anger out on you" the two nodded at this and came at me, I eyed the little red button Donny installed for me. April had one too, if something should happen to us while we were out all we had to do is press this and at least one of them would magically appear to help. I wasn't going to press this though, I'm not completely helpless.

"come on, don't be scared girly we won't hurt you" minion number one and two were closing in on me.

"yeah heard that before" one of them grabbed my hand and knocked the phone out, he'd wish he didn't do that. I grabbed his wrist, twisted it like Leo showed me and kicked him in the jewels, the good old days.

The other one, wanted to come from behind me when he saw that, but I turned the guy who I just had kicked in his direction and with a kick to the back sent them flying into each other. They both went crashing into a trashcan and fled.

There was only one other guy left and he was now behind me, crap. He grabbed hold of me and pressed my back against his chest.

"damn those two, I'll get them later" he growled in my ear, damn think, think. SING!! I remembered from miss congeniality, I tried it.

Solar plexus, Instep, Nose, Groin, I felt fall behind me so I turned around, the wuss was on the ground curing while holding the sensitive area I just kicked, damn I'm good, who says tv isn't good for you!

I walked over to the girl, "hey you ok?"

"yeah" she said, she didn't sound afraid or sad, she looked me in the eye and I saw that her eyes were red, but like really glow in the dark red, wow. I shrugged of the shock, this was not what she needed right now.

"come on let me take you to my place" I offered her a hand, she kept staring at it "come on that guy won't be down forever, I swear I won't hurt you" she stared around me and saw the guy in foetus position cursing loudly, though I doubt he'll be up anytime soon better to be safe then sorry, she nodded and took my hand.

She was about my age but a lot smaller, poor thing.

"are you not scared of me?" she asked, I looked over to her and saw her fidgeting with her little red necklace.

"Why would I be scared of you?" I laughed, trust me I've seen things far more scary then a girl with red eyes, thinking about it made my hair stand on end, it wasn't far anymore to my place, guess Mikey has to wait a little longer, I'll have to call him later though.

"my eyes they are red" she said, never looking up to me.

"yeah I noticed, is that why those guys were bothering you?" I smiled at her.

"yes" she said quietly.

"why were they forcing you to go into the sewer?"

"because they know I'm scared of rats" she whispered

"that's awful" stupid bullies, just because someone's different doesn't mean you have to hurt them like that. "do they do that a lot?"

"every day, usually they leave after a while so I can climb back out, but the last couple of month they roll the dumpster over the lid so I can't get back up" she sounded really far away somehow when she told me all that, I thought it was strange that she'd tell all this to a stranger, she must be so lost.

"…." I didn't know what to say to this, sure I had my share of bullies in high school but none of them were this bad.

"I don't know why I am telling you all this, you should stay away from me, I don't want you to get into trouble" she stopped and panicked, like she suddenly realized she poured her heart out to someone she just met.

"I can handle myself" I smiled at her and urged her to walk with me, she looked around like she was still deciding to either take a run for it or come with me.

"yes, I noticed" she whispered, she gave up and walked with me, she kept her distance and remained quiet for the rest of the journey.

"here we are" I said when we reached the front door to my flat.

"I really shouldn't" she was fidgeting with her little red necklace again.

"please, it would make me feel a lot better if I saw for myself you're okay, before I let you go" it was obvious this girl needed someone to talk to at least, I remembered my time in the forest damn if I didn't have the guys I would have gone insane for sure.

"alright just a little while" she smiled at me, she has a pretty smile even though it was half hearted.

Inside my apartment I got out my medical kit, always comes in handy when you have a boyfriend who loves to bust up criminals.

"here let me take a look at your head, I noticed you had a little wound there" she probably hit her head or something.

"sure" she moved her hair out of her face for me to see, just when I was about to clean it I heard someone ticking against my window, oh crap Mikey.

"oh crap could you wait here, for a little bit" I panicked and closed the window he was trying to open, I pointed to my bedroom, hoping he would get the hint, I saw him pouting, it was so cute, no time to get distracted Andy, this is serious.

"oh come on Andy let me in" he yelled "I'm sorry for whatever it is that I did" he thought he did something wrong? Now I really felt guilty for not calling him last night. I smiled at him to reassure him that I wasn't angry at him and everything was alright, me being mad at him as if that could ever happen … sure it did happen … some times , but I wouldn't shut him out like this.

The girl suddenly shot up and rushed by my side, I would have closed the curtains if I had curtains so instead I flung myself in front of the window hoping to hide the my turtle, crap, crap ,crap !!

"Andy" she whispered, she must have heard Mikey yell, I turned around and saw that he had vanished already, thank you ninja skills. "you wouldn't happen to have a big brother called Raph do you" she asked carefully, never breaking eye contact with me. Raph? How would she … omg.

Everything connected then, girl in the sewers, everyday because of the bullies she couldn't get out so she stumbled into Raph, she was lost and afraid, omg, omg, Raph's girlfriend. That was her secret for sure she didn't tell Raph that she was forced down the sewers because of some bullies he would have kicked their asses a long time ago. Something must have happened Leo must have said some things to her or something.

"what does Raph look like?" I had to make sure, we were talking about the same Raph.

"well he's a giant …" omg, omg

"... turtle?" I finished, she nodded and her smile faded "you're Tanya, omg !!!"

"I have to go" she was about to rush out, but I blocked her way, no way was I going to let her leave my sight.

"please, Raph told me so much about you, we could be friends" I tried, she looked very spooked somehow, I don't know what Raph has been saying about me behind my back, but he's going to pay!

"friends? But he … he" she broke down in tears, I got angry Raph you jerk what did you do to this poor girl?!

* * *

My apologies for the late update, I promised I'd finish this story and I'm going to do that it'll just take some time. I'm sorry, I would have updated earlier, but things have been so crazy, I've just finished the last of my exams so

please tell me what you think, even if you think it sucks.

anyways again I'm sorry

bye until next time


	12. the truth

**The truth.**

Andy POV

She just started crying, I never did know what to do about that. I just pulled her against me and rubbed her back.

"hey it's going to be alright, what ever Raph said or did he didn't mean it, I'll even kick his ass for you if you like" she was quiet but at least she stopped crying.

"you don't have to hide Michelangelo you know, I mean don't leave him outside for my sake I'll just leave" she tried again for the front door, but I caught her arm in time.

"no way, you sit down on the couch, you're my friend now and I'll take care of you, but first I'll get Mikey alright?" she looked shocked again, what exactly has Raph been saying behind my back, she just sat down and stared at the floor and nodded, poor thing.

I opened the window and stuck my head out, as if he would be waiting for me in broad daylight and even so I couldn't see him anyways. "Mikey? Honey are you there?" I whispered, good thing I don't have any neighbours they would have called me crazy for sure … not that I care. I blinked once and he stood in front of me with his goofy sweet smile on his face.

"hey can I come in?" he whispered back carefully, and pouted I felt guilty all over again, does he think he did something wrong?

"of course you can silly" I smiled and all but pulled him through my window.

"hey careful" he laughed, once he was completely inside I hugged him as close as I could.

"I missed you"

"so I didn't do anything wrong?" he tried carefully, he's such a cutie !!

"of course not silly, as if I could be mad at you" I kissed him on the cheek, he blushed a bit at that.

"sweet … who's that?" oh shoot.

"hello, my name is Tanya, nice to meet you I'm just leaving" she made a move for the front door again, but I flung myself at the door.

"please let me leave" she pleaded, "trust me you don't want me around"

"Andy what is going on?" Mikey asked.

"she's a friend of Raph, but she's upset I think they had a fight, Leo had something to do with it" he seemed like he understood what I meant from my rambling and looked over to the little shy girl with a weird look on his face, I guess he was trying to picture them together. True she wasn't what I expected at all what Raph's type would be.

"just tell me what happened please, I want to help"

"if I tell you, you will let me leave" she said.

"sure if you want to"

"no, if you know what I really am you'll kick me out yourself and never want to see me again, that's what Raph did, that's what everybody does" she looked down again. Mikey came closer to her and put an arm around her shoulder.

"Look I know like no one else how a jerk Raph can be, certainly if Leo has something to do with it. So please explain to us, I swear on my comics that I will not judge you and neither will Andy. I smiled at him and stepped closer to her too and held her hand.

"of course we won't threat you differently, we just want to help you"

"you won't be saying that in a few minutes, but sit down this is a long story"

* * *

Raph POV

"are you crazy?!! What the hell is your problem??!!" I yelled, I knew when LH was like this the last thing you wanted to do was pissing him off even further but the hell with that.

Leo and Donny were frantically trying to peel him off of me, but with little success.

"I swear if you hurt her in any way I'll rip you limp from limp" he jelled and lifted me as high in the air as my room would allow.

"Leatherhead, calm yourself please, there is no need for this" Donny tried while dangling from his arm, leatherhead seemed like he was calming down a bit. He lowered me back on my feet I still eyed him carefully.

"how do you know her anyways?" I asked, were we really talking about the same person, besides the proof was there, there was no other way, Tanya is working for the foot.

"Do you honestly believe she is capable of such deceit? She would never do such a thing" leatherhead said after he cooled down a bit but his voice sounds anything but calm.

"I know she is a spy, Leo saw Karai there, she gave her money!!"

"yeah she'd better!!" he yelled suddenly. Now I was completely confused.

"wha…"

"… you thought she was working for Karai don't you, using you to get to your family? Did you even let her explain you bastard?!!"

"She had a secret damit!! Now I know what it is, why else would she keep a secret form me?!"

"because she promised me god dammit !!" he roared and we all took a step backwards, after a few minutes of calming down he looked up to he had a very sad look on his face he sat on the floor like he was defeated in a match. I sat next to him and looked in his eyes.

"please, tell me the truth about her, what happened? How do you know each other?"

He took a couple of deep breaths and looked up to my brothers, who were standing by watching the strange scene. "you should sit down too this is a long story"

* * *

LH's POV:

A couple of years ago you all remember , that I was abducted and experimented on by bishop. Well I was not alone in that facility.

You have to know, bishop is a cruel man at the time he was looking for ways to gain an invincible army. During his experiments on me, he learned from my animal nature and saw that whenever I was threatened or angry an adrenaline rush courses through my body and my animal instincts works overdrive.

He was fascinated by the power of destruction that they brought and was searching for ways to control those powers and plant them inside his army.

The human test subjects would be given great power whenever they needed it and together they would form a nearly indestructible army.

He collected multiple tests subjects, some willing searching for power others just random people he picked off the streets that no one would miss. But the humans proved to be insufficient and nearly all perished.

Only one survived, that one is the girl you know as Tanya. How she survived I don't know, she didn't have much physical strength nor was she gifted in any other way. But bishop's plan failed, you see he was able to give my curse to that girl but he didn't control it and sometimes nor can she.

Tanya's powers developed in a hole different way, they developed a conscious a second personality so to speak one that only comes out to protect Tanya when she's in danger. It became to call itself Sophia.

bishop made us fight against each other, to test weither his weapon would be fit for actual combat, but Tanya refused to attack me, so his weapon was useless, you see even if Tanya did posses much physical strength the one thing she does have was a strong mind, she could control Sophia … to an extent. I only witnessed once when she lost control and I barely escaped with my life.

Bishop thought that once he got past Tanya he could control Sophia, after all she was nothing but a purely instinctual creature. So he knocked Tanya unconscious and ordered his men to beat her.

He didn't have to wait long, after the first punch Sophia awakened, but Bishop had miscalculated, he thought that Sophia was Tanya's enemy waiting to break loose and do as she pleases.

Sophia got lose alright and her fury would be a power he could use for whatever army he had planned, that is what was left of his army because after she was done with the place there was little left standing. Bishop had overlooked one thing, instincts were meant to protect a person against danger and the only real danger there was Bishop so Sophia tried to take him out.

After a while the destruction stopped and Tanya got in control again, she could have escaped did she not surrender her own freedom to save another one of Bishops prisoners; Karai.

Me and Tanya were

* * *

the only ones left in the facility and we suffered dearly for it, we only managed to escape because Tanya let Sophia out again, in the chaos of our escape I lost track of her and I never saw her again, I thought she perished when the base exploded.

When we were in that hell hole together I made her promise me that if she got out, she would never speak of this to anyone, for Bishop will never stop searching for her of he learned that she was still alive.

That's why she didn't tell you damnit!! That was he secret she couldn't tell you because she promised me and probably because she was afraid that you would fear her!! She thinks she is a monster !!! And you … take me to her, now!!

* * *

Raph POV

I didn't have time to think or do anything else, I just ran out of the lair after hearing that. I had to get to her, I have to apologize. Now.

I hope she forgives me, please forgive me. I pushed myself even harder, I opened the sewer lid and peeked outside, it was still light so it was going to be very hard to get to her apartement unseen, but not impossible.

People like you are the real monsters out there, you are the freak not me!!

Damn I wasn't any better than the bastards who yelled at me, I'm the same I judged too quickly, I hurt her, I was the one who betrayed her.

I have to make this up somehow … somehow ...

* * *

sorry this story is weakening, but I'll still finish it.

I warn you though I'm all out of inspiration

thank you all who reviewed I really appreciate it


	13. Friend

**Friend.**

Andy's POV.

I looked at Mikey and saw that he didn't know what to say either. Poor girl, I can't believe what's she's been through it makes my past seem like a walk in the park compared to that.

"I'm sorry I'll just leave" Tanya said, tears were streaming down her face ever since she got to the part where she met Raph. It was all so much take, I've heard stories about Bisshop from Mikey and that alone was enough to get the hairs on my neck stand on their ends.

"you don't have to leave you know" Mikey said.

"of course not, sweetie, I told you we're friends now and any friend of mine is welcome to stay as long as she wants" I said and took her hand in my own and squeezed it a bit in reassurance.

"why? Why are you so kind to me? I'm a monster a freak Raph said so himself" she pulled her hand back.

"listen Tanya, I'm sure you are a very important person to Raph, he isn't just the person to open up to just anyone, he saw something in you and I'm sure this was all just some horrible misunderstanding." Mikey said and smiled kindly at her, that was one of the things I loved to most about Mikey, he could be so childish and goofy sometimes but when you really needed to talk to him he could be very serious too.

"I'm very grateful you know, normally he tells me about the stuff that is bother him, but the last couple of months he just shut me out, I was really worried you know, thank you for taking care of him" I tried again.

"You don't understand do you? I'm a time bomb!! She's in danger you know? I thought you always kept her as far away from danger as you could, well I'm as dangerous as it gets" she jumped up and started yelling, I could tell that she was just trying to push us away again, Raph did it all the time, they were so alike and yet so different, people say that about Mikey and me too. I glanced over to him, me being safe was always a big issue for him, but he looked calm and just smiled back at me.

"I do understand, but you won't hurt Andy, it seems like Sophia only comes out when you're in trouble or angry, just like the hulk, you won't hurt her I trust you" Tanya just slumped to the floor and started crying again.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry" I went to her and pulled her in a hug again, this time she returned it "you're my friend?" she sobbed into my shoulder.

"of course I am" I rubbed her back in reassurance.

"you won't betray me?"

"I promise I will never betray you"

She just nodded and pulled away a bit, she wept her tears from her face and smiled at me, this time it was whole hearted. I handed her a tissue.

"you have a beautiful smile you should smile more" she nodded and dried her eyes with the tissue.

"thank you, oh one more thing, you see this necklace?" she said.

"yes"

"it's red now, when Sophia comes out it turns black, you have to promise me that whenever that happens you will run as far away from me as you can, no matter what situation we're in"

"of course she will" Mikey jumped up and stood beside us, glaring at me.

"just promise I would feel a lot better" Tanya spoke carefully.

"yeah, yeah I promise alright, you know you people forget I can take care fine on my own, you know"

"yeah I noticed earlier, I don't think that Brad will ever get his original voice back after that kick" she smiled, I smiled along with her.

"Brad? Who's Brad, did something happen?" oh god, now I'll never walk home alone.

* * *

Raph's POV.

When I got to her apartment it was empty, I yelled her name a couple of times but no one answered.

"damn!" I punched the wall "damn !! where the hell are you."

I screwed up, I screwed up big time, that was the last time I listened to Leo ever!! What am I going around blaming Leo for this is all my fault! I should have know she wouldn't do something like that, I would have seen through to her on the first night we met, I should have let her explain herself! Idiot!!

My shell cell went of "yeah"

"Raphaël have you found her yet?" it was Leatherhead, he couldn't come out in the daylight, he was simply too big and way to non stealthy.

"no, she's not here" where could she have gone to?

My shell went off again moments later.

"what? I told you I haven't found her yet" I yelled at the thing.

"Raph, what are you talking about dude" I was Mikey, damn I don't have time for this, he doesn't even know what happened yet.

"I'm busy Mikey"

"you have to come to Andy's apartment now, you have some serious apologizing to do"

"damn MIkey I don't have time for this, tell her I'm sorry for whatever it is I did, I'll talk to Andy later" I was thinking back about what it was that I should apologize for, but too many things came to mind.

"I'm not talking about Andy, you jerk!! Tanya's over here, she told us everything" he yelled at the microphone, I heard some background noise and I could hear the phone being shifted.

"Raph? Could you please come over? You really need to talk to her, this is just some huge misunderstanding" Andy explained.

"yeah sure, I'll be right there" I closed my cell and jumped out of the window and into the shadows. I crawled into the sewers and ran as fast as I could to Andy's place.

please don't be mad at me, don't be mad at me, who am I kidding? I hurt her, I seriously hurt her.

please forgive me, please forgive me, just forgive me.

I ran ever faster, desperate to get to her. I never wanted to apologize so badly, I never felt the need for someone to be my friend, I didn't understand why, I just knew that I needed her. I wanted her to trust me again.

* * *

Mikey's POV

"Explain to me again how you two got into that situation!"

"It's not a big deal Michelangelo, we didn't get hurt" Tanya explained, Andy just nodded along.

"I don't care, why didn't you call me? Or press the button?" Something could have happened, they could have ...

"I'm sorry, alright. I wasn't thinking I was angry and I'm sorry I promise I'll call you if something should happen again" She came over to me and put her arms around me, she rested her head on my shoulder while she spoke.

"It's alright, sorry I flipped" I hugged her close.

"no worries" I felt her lips pull into a smile against my skin. I looked over to Tanya, she was looking at us in a pained way, damn Raph you'd better be here fast. Poor kid, she's been through so much, come to think of it...

"oh I'll ask Donnie if he'll make one for you too, in case those bullies try anything again" I said to her, she snapped out of whatever daze she was in and looked at me confused, Andy looked at her too and smiled.

"He's talking about a panic button in your cell phone, when ever you are in danger, you simply press this and one of the guys comes and kicks who ever is bothering you in the ass!" She demonstrated.

"Oh that's not necessary" She shook her head.

"yeah, because when we find those guys they'll be sorry they ever messed with either of you" I cracked my knuckles.

"but ... "

"No Tanya, you're our friend now and nobody messes with my friends" Andy said and walked over to her again.

"thank you!" Tanya hugged her fiercely, I smiled at the sight. Andy's such a good person, I'm really lucky.

"Did you really use SING to beat those guys?" I asked, eventhough I wasn't happy with it I was actually proud that she held her own against them.

"yeah, another proof that television is good for you" she beamed.

"You sure hope I won't tell any of this to Leo he's going to throw a fit that you replaced his ninja lessons by a that" I would tell him just to see the look on his face, I had to grin at that.

"Yeah, let's not shall we or he'll train my ass off the next time" she sat down on her couch and pulled her legs up next to her, there was something sad about her all of a sudden did she had a fight with Leo or something? I'd have to ask her about that later because, right now there is a very stressed turtle knocking on her window.

"Mikey let me in!!" Raph yelled, I watched Tanya tense at the sound of his voice.


	14. Forgive me

**Forgive me **

Tanya's POV

Just stay calm, just stay calm. I said to myself, not so much that Sophia was going to break free, no physically there isn't any threat, it was more to calm my nerves. I could feel the tears brimming in my eyes when I thought of the conditions of our last encounter, my knees are shaking out of fear and my feet have turned themselves towards to nearest exit the rest of my body is petrified and he hasn't even set a foot in the room.

I watched him climb inside through the window, just like he has done so many times at my place. My hearth ached when I saw him. Was he still angry at me? Did he really know the truth or was it all a misunderstanding? And even if it was, I can't let him come close.

He stood there with his back turned to me, he was whispering to his brother. Mikey nodded and turned around to smile at me as if telling me that everything was alright … or going to be anyway. Yeah as if. He stepped through the window and pulled Andy along with him, she waved me goodbye and flashed a warning look to Raph before she disappeared with her boyfriend.

We stood there a while in silence, it was so quiet that I could hear him breathe. Slowely he turned around. Somehow I could always tell what he was feeling from the look in his eyes, usually it was irritation and anger that burned in those beautiful amber pools. Now they were drowning in sadness and grief, my first instinct was to go over to him and make that go away. But then I stopped and realized the reason why he felt that.

He took one step in my direction and fell down on his knees in defeat, I was shocked at that gesture. I didn't like him like this, where were the beautiful burning pools of amber? Where was the strength and confidence that usually accompanied him? It was as if he was broken, as much as I am.

"I'm sorry" he looked up to me, and he almost started crying, he's apologizing "I understand that you don't want anything to do with me anymore, but I'm really sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry" I ran over to him and hugged him. It took him a while to hug me back, as if he actually believed I could walk away from him.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean any of it, I thought … I thought, I'm sorry"

"would you quit apologizing already? It's annoying" I mimicked him as best as I could seeing I was crying. He laughed a bit, he remembered his words too from one our first meetings in the sewer.

He pulled me away and looked at my face. He cradled my face between his hands and swiped the hairs out of my face that were sticking on my tears covered face.

"Do you forgive me?" he asked very seriously. I felt my shattered hearth slowly heal. I smiled and nodded a couple of times, my cheeks were burning up, oh god don't blush now.

"I promise I won't ever hurt you again, in any way alright?" I smiled and nodded again, he smiled and that too and hugged me again. I rested my head in his neck and inhaled his presence, I didn't realize that I missed him this much, he hasn't even been away for a day. Just the thought of him being angry at me or not ever seeing him again.

"you're perfect you know that don't you? you're perfect, Tanya I mean that, you're smart, funny, beautiful" I pulled him closer and started crying at that. He rubbed my back.

"No I'm not, I have to tell you something" he didn't know about Sophia. I have to tell him, I have to be honest.

"I know, Sophia is a part of you, you are perfect just the way you are" I pulled back and stared at him.

"how do you know?"

"come on I think there is someone who would love to meet you" he grinned and pulled us back to our feet.

We walked to the sewers, he told me that it all was a horrible mistake Leo, his older brother, had somehow seen that Karai had dropped off a case of money and had jumped to the wrong conclusion.

He pulled a pipe to the side and all of a sudden the walls began to move, well at least one of them did.

I entered his home it was beautiful, I just stared at the place. It's magical, they have a tv wall for crying out loud, how the hell are they pulling this off? Then I saw him, sitting in front of the tv talking to Michelangelo.

"Leatherhead?" at the sound of my voice he turned around. He looked as stunned as I was, I turned towards Raph expecting an explanation.

"LH is a friend of ours, he told me about you, knocked some sense in me along the way" he smiled and nodded towards Leatherhead.

I ran towards him and all but knocked him off the couch, he laughed and turned me around. I cried on his shoulder in happiness, my feet were hanging awkwardly in the air, seeing he's three times my size.

"I thought you were death" I sobbed.

"I thought so too" he said and put me back on the ground.

"you've grown a bit since last met" he patted my head, while he said so.

"no I've not" I laughed. I looked over to Raph and saw him smiling at me before he went into the kitchen.

Someone coughed behind me so I turned around and saw a blue banded turtle standing there. He was about the same height as Raph, he had two large ninja swords strapped to his back, he must be Leo. He had a very strict look in his eyes and everything about his screamed dominance and leadership, I could understand why Raph often clashed with him.

"my name is Leonardo, I apologize, it's my behavior that lead to this horrible misunderstanding" he bowed, I was stunned for a bit, I was not expecting that.

"eum … It's alright Leonardo, you were looking out for your family I understand I'm not angry at anyone, especially not you" it didn't even occurred to me to be angry at anyone actually I was just hurt that my best friend treated me that way.

"Yes but I made the wrong decision, I apologize for that"

"you are forgiven" I said and bowed back, I don't know if I did it right … probably not, it just seemed the best thing to do. He didn't say much else and walked into the kitchen where he and Raph was. I thought they probably could use some alone time so I jumped my old friend again.

"so tell me what you've been up to all these years?" I asked him. We settled down on the couch and started talking.

The family was perfect, later that night a purple banded turtle stumbled out of his laboratory. He introduced himself as Donatello, he's a genius, he created everything you saw inside the lair with his bare hands, very impressive. I've already met Mikey and Andy, they were just goofing off the entire evening. Leonardo … Leo for short joined in every once and a while after he felt more comfortable with my presence.

I kinda yelled a teeny tiny bit when Master Splinter walked into the room, but I got over it out of respect for their father. I never was the one to judge a person by his appearance, besides he's actually more human like than rat, they all are. They're just four amazing guys living with their dad.

I didn't want to go home jet so Raph let me sleep in his room.

"sorry for the mess" he said, before he opened his door. I peeked inside and saw a lot of defeated punching bags laying around, a couple of sais where embedded in the wall and a couple of car magazines were scattered too.

"it's not that bad"

"so there is the bed, just yell if you need something, I'm just down there on the couch, alright?" wait a second he's gonna? I turned around but he was already leaving the room.

"wait" I grabbed his arm, I quickly released it when I realized what I was about to ask.

"what?" he looked at me, I blushed and turned my back to him, what are you doing Tanya? This could endanger your entire friendship you know?

"eum, nothing, it's nothing"

"come on tell me" he walked around and pulled my hands from my blushing face.

"stay" I whispered.

"say that again I didn't catch that" he smiled.

I gathered up all my courage and looked up at him with pleading eyes, "stay, please" he gulped a bit.

"eum … yeah sure"

So we slept together that night, I needed that you know. I needed some reassurance, he was here, he wasn't going to leave. I felt at peace, safe, who wouldn't. I don't think I'd be able to sleep any other way then right here in his arms. Even though he snores a bit.


	15. Feelings

**Feelings**

Raph POV.

I woke up that morning feeling better than I have in years, but that probably has something to do with the little black haired girl snuggling into me. I knocked out my alarm clock before it could wake her. It's 6.30, time for morning training, but first things first; getting out of bed without waking her.

Now stealth is a part of a ninja's training, but I'm telling yah getting lose of her arms without stirring her was proving to be very difficult. She had her small arms wrapped around my waist, even if she couldn't get them all the way around because of my shell, her grip was surprisingly strong. When I did got out of bed, she whimpered a bit as if she subconsciously knew I was gone. I smirked and pulled some hairs behind her ear that had fallen in her face and kissed her forehead.

"I'll be right back alright?" I whispered, good thing she's asleep. I walked out and saw Mikey sneaking out of his room with the same grin that was probably on my face.

"hey dude, I noticed no one slept on the couch tonight, I hope you used protection" he joked, I punched him in the arm for that, I'm still no morning person.

"shut up" he just smirked and all but danced in the dojo where, the rest of them were already warming up.

* * *

Tanya's POV

When I woke up I noticed something was missing, I felt around in the bed but found nothing. Strange, I opened my eyes and it took me a moment to remember where I was and what I was doing here, then a blush came on my face when I realized what exactly I was looking for. I looked around and found a beat up alarm clock saying it's 7.00 am.

I stood up and opened the door, I peeked through it. I wasn't sure exactly what to do now, should I go down? Should I wait for Raph in his room? I stepped outside and saw no one. I heard strange noises coming from downstairs.

"hey good morning!" Someone yelled from right behind me, I yelped out of surprise, clutched at my heart and turned around.

Andy was standing there with a huge smile on her face.

"you scared the hell out of me" I panted.

"oh sorry, I'm used to the guys knowing where I am all the time, I'm telling you don't sneak up on either of them they always sense you coming … it's a ninja thing I think" she walked down the stairs while she talked, I followed her.

"if I'm talking too much just say so alright? I understand, Raph can't stand me in the morning he's not that much of a morning person I guess"

"no, no I don't mind, not at all … I like talking to you" she walked in the kitchen and started turning the stove on and backing eggs and stuff.

"thanks I like talking to you too, now what would you like to eat for breakfast?" she asked while she peered into the fridge.

"whatever it is you plan on making, just tell me what to do" Andy smiled at me.

"can you cook?" she asked.

"A little" it's not that hard, I mean I'm no chef or anything but if it's just eggs or pancakes or something I can manage.

"well I can't, so if you could just watch the eggs? I always manage to screw them up." I laughed at that, how can you get eggs wrong?

"don't give me that look missy, I have many other skills" she beamed proudly, I grinned and took the eggs out of her hands, she's such a bundle of energy, it's strange how quickly I became comfortable around her.

"you're supposed to put butter in it first, that way they won't stick to the pan" I explained.

"oh crap? I always forget that, here" she threw me a package and started at clearing the table, making coffee and orange juice and all.

"so you and Raph huh?" she said all of a sudden. My face turned bright red, did she know we slept in the same room? One look at the smirk on her face told me she did.

"eum … what about it?"

"Come on you obviously like each other" she started.

"yeah, sure he's my friend, where is he anyway?"

"oh, they're training in the dojo over there, they should be done in a few minutes … no changing the subject" she stepped closer to me and sat on the kitchen cabinet at a safe distance from the stove.

"well … you like him right?" she continued, I turned even redder then I was and just nodded. She squealed at that.

"and it's obvious he likes you"

"was it that way between you and Mikey?" I questioned

"yeah I guess"

"how did you two get together?" I was curious how do you meet, let alone fall in love with a teenage mutant ninja turtle? Or more importantly how do you know if he loves you?

"Well, I sorta thought Raph told you already about us"

"yeah, sort of he didn't go into many details, just that you were both hurt and had to stay still for a while and that you really bonded while you recuperated."

"yeah, that was fun … not the poacher thing but you know getting to know them, goofing off with Mikey, teasing Raph"

"like you don't do that now"

"yeah, you got a point there"

"what I wanted to know, was how did you know he loved you too?"

"well it's the small things really, offering the last piece of pizza … holding the door … getting jealous when I'm spending too much time with anyone else you know those things"

"well how did you know for sure you loved him?"

"well, when we were recuperating he told me stories about him being a hero and all turtle titan. I offered to draw him as a comic book hero you know the costume, so when I was about to draw him I thought about how he would look like if I pictured him like a hero … I couldn't come up with anything comic book related I just saw him smiling at me and I realized something … he already was my hero, so I drew the way I saw him … my hero" she smiled the entire time when she recalled that memory.

"that's a wonderful story" is Raph my hero?

"yeah"

"so how did you get together?"

"we went out for a walk and were just talking and I admitted it and he sorta like kissed me" this time it was her time to blush.

"that's so cute!"

"yeah … anyways don't worry when the time is right, you'll just know and trust me he definitely likes you too, but hey he's a guy they're always a little slow when it comes to those things." She jumped off the counter and smiled at me, it gave me a little courage. I doubt it would be so easy for me, come on, me and Raph? I seriously doubt I would be his type, but then again we did sleep in the same bed. Oh I'm driving myself insane like this !!

"dude something smells good" I heard someone yell from the other side of the room.

"well nothing's burning, can't be Andy's cooking" Raph said.

"hey!" Andy picked up a wet towel and threw it straight at his head, it would have hit its target but raph caught it before it could hit him in the face.

I heard her mutter something about stupid ninja tricks, before Mikey pulled her to his side.

"don't you worry my princess I will protect you from this vile beast!!" she giggled while Mikey got ready to ready to take on Raph.

"Give it a rest you two, it's still early" Leo said while he sat down. Raph was about to join them when he stopped in his tracks as he saw me standing there watching the family.

"hey, good morning" he said to me, I blushed, oh come on how embarrassing stupid blush go away, go away.

"good morning" I said back and placed the eggs on the table.

"wow, Tanya, that looks great" Andy exclaimed and offered me a seat between her and Raph.

"yeah, I declare you by this the new egg-queen!" Mikey said and bowed.

"eum … thanks" they all waited for Splinter to join them before they started.

Things started off a bit awkwardly between me and the family, but I got used to them. It always takes me a while to open up to people, I hope they won't think I'm a freak before they give me a chance too.


	16. Shopping

**Shopping**

Tanya's POV

It was weekend now so that meant that I could spend more time with Raph and his family. I got along really well with Andy, she's just such a lovable person it's hard not to feel comfortable around her. of course if you're friends with Andy you're friends with Mikey, the two of them could be so hilarious sometimes. I liked Donnie too, he was a little shy but that's why I liked him I understood that.

Leo chose to avoid me mostly, I don't know why but I don't want to force myself on anyone if he didn't want anything to do with me that was his choice.

I was sitting in my living room doing my homework when suddenly someone knocked on my window, I smiled when I saw that it was Raph and Donny waving me to let them inside.

"hey guys" I smiled

"hey Tanya" Donnie greeted politely, and stepped inside.

"hey" Raph smiled and climbed in after his brother, damn every single time I see that typical grin on his face my stomach starts doing these flip flops.

"sorry for the unannounced visit I know you probably have homework to do" Donnie started

"come on you're always welcome, I was about to take a break anyways" Raph passed me and sat on the couch.

"I brought something for you" Donnie smiled and started searching in the duffle bag he always seemed to carry around.

"here" when I turned my attention back to Donnie I saw a strange device in his hands.

"… eum thanks" he handed it to me and I observed the strange looking thingy, it was small, green and looked very high-tech. He laughed a bit at my lack of technical knowledge.

"it's a cell phone" he stated and held out his hand for the phone, probably so he could prove to me again just how little technical knowledge I had.

"oh, you really shouldn't have" I could have sworn I heard someone growl behind me, I turned around but I only saw Raph sitting in the couch watching our every move, with an angry look in his eyes … well more angry then usual … strange.

"it's nothing really, here let me show you …" I gave him the cell back, he pressed a button and the whole thing just popped open, I scare easily so I sorta jumped a bit at that … stupid I hope no one saw that "… here you see this little red button?"

I watched and to my surprise I actually found the so called panic button. "yes"

"alright, if you're in any trouble … any at all you press this and we will come"

"wow, I've never seen that in the store, how did you get it? Damn this must have cost a fortune" both Raph and Donnie were now laughing, oh crap did I say something stupid again? probably so.

"what?" I asked, I could feel the embarrassed blush spreading over my face.

"Donny doesn't buy that stuff, he makes it" Raph said from behind me … oh … I took the cell again … wow …

"wow … you're amazing!" I knew he was a genius, Raph told me many times, but there is a difference between hearing it and seeing the result with your own eyes.

"it's just a cellphone" he rubbed his head and blushed a bit, well I think he's blushing I can't tell for sure with the whole green skin thing.

"thank you" I said.

"it's nothing … anyway I'm gonna go now … bye Tanya"

"bye Donnie thanks again for the phone" and with that he disappeared into the night. I heard Raph growl behind me and I turned around. What was with him?

"hey, are you mad or something" I sat next to him on the couch, suddenly his entire attitude changed.

"of course not, why would I be mad, I'm not mad, who says I'm mad" alright something was definitely up, but after that awkward moment he changed back into his usual less grumpy self.

* * *

The next day Andy and I went out, we weren't much of the shopping type but we went to the mall anyways just to hang out.

We were both eating an ice-cream when I heard someone calling Andy's name. We turned around and I saw a red haired woman waving at us.

"Hey April!" Andy yelled back and waved at her, April? as in April Oneil? Wow Raph told me everything about her, Raph and the others think of her as a sister, they have been close for a very long time, kind of intimidating what if she doesn't like me?

Andy squealed and ran over to her to give her a big hug. I followed after her a bit awkwardly, I didn't want to intrude but I didn't want to be impolite either.

"Casey come on!" behind her was what seemed to be a giant walking mountain of shopping bags.

Andy laughed at that, "dude you're whipped" she joked, Casey tripped and two bags threatened to fall from the top of the mountain, luckily I was quick enough and caught them before they fell to the ground.

"oh thanks, she would have killed me if I dropped those" Casey started to unload the bags from him and placed them carefully on the floor.

"… no problem" I whispered.

"oh my, I'm so sorry, April, Casey this is Tanya, Tanya I'm sure Raph has told you all about April and his sidekick"

"hey I ain't no bodies sidekick" he walked over to me and shook my hand "hey how're yah doin' Casey Jones". Casey seemed bigger then Raph, but not nearly as muscular but compared to an average male all in all I imagine that he could be quite intimidating if he didn't had that weird smile on his face and a thousand pink shopping bags surrounding him.

"don't let him scare you alright?" the woman April, peered around him and smiled kindly at me, she was very beautiful, it made me feel a little bit insecure.

"babe, she runs with Raph, I think she can handle a though guy" Casey joked.

"yeah like that's the only reason she should be afraid of you" Andy said, April laughed a bit at that.

"hardy, har, har"

"well, we have a lot of shopping to do, so let's go Casey" April smiled and waved kindly at us as she continued her shopping.

"oh man, see yah girls" Casey, nodded his head and followed his mistress after picking up his cargo again.

"bye Casey" Andy waved.

"I'll come by the lair tomorrow or something, alright? See you then" April yelled at us.

"bye April!" Andy yelled back and she disappeared into another clothing store.

"wow" I whispered as I watched Casey nearly trip over his own feet as he tried to keep up with April.

"yeah, I know it takes a while before you get used to the craziness, but don't worry you'll have me" she turned and started to walk in the opposite direction.

"you're only the source of all craziness but alright" I smiled at her.

"hey … you're so right" she beamed and ran into a store "now come on, let's do some shopping"

"eum … sure" I said and followed her.

"now, what's with that face?" she asked and hopped closer.

"nothing, I'm just really not so good at shopping and all"

"come on, you know I'm not good at this either, but it's really not that hard, just search something you like … or better yet lets search something Raph would like" she winked at me and dragged me further down the store.

"Oh Tanya, you're blushing!" Andy squealed, damn, I covered my cheeks and indeed they were burning up.

"shhh, people are staring" I whispered.

"oh, you're so cute you know that!" I'm sure she would have pinched my cheeks or something if my hands weren't covering them. She laughed and made her way through the store. I watched around too, I don't usually buy clothes unless I really have to, to be honest I never have in a store like this before, I usually just by my clothes in a second hand store.

"Tanya! Come over here, I found something!" Andy yelled and held up a small piece of red cloth, this can't be good. Against all of my instincts I went over to her.

"why don't you try this on?" she showed me what appeared to be a small red top that probably showed way to much flesh.

"I really rather not"

"oh come on, please, just this one little thing?" she pouted her lip and I swear her eyes just doubled in size, oh god is this what they call the dreaded puppy eyes?

"alright then, just this one" she squealed.

"just this one" she repeated and all but pushed me in a changing room. I stared at the red article for a while, but I pulled of my clothes and put it on anyways. I watched myself for a while in the mirror. I had to admit it wasn't as bad as I had feared.

It was like a plain tank top actually, but it just showed much more cleavage than I was used to. It had wide straps and it all but clung to my body. I tried to pull it down a couple of times, so it wouldn't creep up unexpectedly, but that move made the cleavage bigger, talk about compromise.

"Tanya you done?" I heard Andy yell, from outside the cabin.

"uh, yeah I guess" I pulled the curtain to the side and stepped out.

"oh wow, red is definitely your color" she smiled, red is my favorite color and it doesn't have anything to do about who it reminds me of, no nothing to do at all with the color of a certain bandana, no absolutely not. Damn even in my head my sarcasm sounds lame.

"what do you think?" she asked and stood beside me in front of the mirror.

"I don't know, I don't think I'm brave enough to wear it, but I do like it" I said, I'm a coward I know, but I just know what they're going to say in school when I should walk in there like this, I don't want to attract any attention.

"would it help if I said you look really pretty?" Andy said, she was really serious I didn't hear a mocking tone in her voice, like she had with Casey. Did she really think I'm pretty, I remember April, her beautiful red hair and green eyes. Damn, I watch the girl in the mirror again, I really want to think of myself as pretty or beautiful but I can't too much has been said already. Too many mean words have been thrown at me, still it was nice to hear Andy compliment me.

"thank you" I said and walked back inside the cabin and changed back into my normal, baggy clothes. I felt safe in them, they allowed me to hide myself.

"hey you alright?" she asked when I came back outside.

"yeah sure, I was just thinking about something … that's all"

"alright, so are you going to buy it?" she asked.

"I don't know" I looked at the top in my hands as if it would suddenly decide for me what to do.

"**please Tanya buy me"** a voice said, I panicked and looked at Andy to see if she heard it too in case I really was going crazy. But she was too busy laughing her head off, of course I should have known that was her speaking for the t-shirt, I laughed with her at my own stupidity.

I bought the shirt anyways, the entire way home I couldn't think about anything else but 'would Raph like it?'


	17. My hero

**My hero**

Tanya's POV.

I can do this, I can do this, no problem, no problem at all … why is today so different? I mean I used to do this every day for crying out loud! I padded my pocket where I felt the little phone Donny had given me. Should I really call for help if Brad decides to push me around again? I was safe for the last couple of weeks, I almost gotten used to walking home without looking over my shoulder every two seconds wondering when they would pound on me. But today he returned to class and he made sure I knew it too, he winked at me and motioned that we would be seeing each other later. Damn.

It was true that Andy kicked the crap out of them last time but I was pretty sure she wasn't going to be there today, I'm glad for that because they would be ready for anything now … well I could certainly think of one or two things that would in fact catch them off guard. One being that my inner demon would decided to pop up and say hello which I fiercely hope will never happen again and secondly if my new teenage mutant ninja turtle bo… guy-friend decides to come to my rescue.

Which brings me to my current dilemma, to call or not to call that is the question? Honestly I would just love to have a certain redbanded turtle knock his lights out. Then again I would probably feel so lame 'Raph, Raph some guys from school were mean to me!' the panic button was meant for like life threatening situations … Brad is a jerk but not at all life threatening.

Alright, so I will be brave keep my head high and if he decides to push me around again I'll just do what has always worked for me … endure until it's over. I cross the street and walk pass the ally where he usually assaults me. Maybe he just wanted to scare me a bit? Maybe he forgot? Nah, doesn't sound like him, maybe he got detention or something? yeah that sounds like a believable explanation. Suddenly I felt some one pull at my hood ... so much for that theory.

His two goons grabbed my arms and dragged me inside the alley. They hold my arms behind my back and force me on my knees … as usual.

"So long time no see huh freak?" Brad said and stood in front of me dramatically as if he was the main villain in some Saturday morning cartoon show, only thing missing was a moustache and an evil laugh.

'Finally well enough to get that ice pack from between your legs huh?' I said to myself. I would never get tired of the memory of Andy kicking him in the jewels, I wish I could do that.

"Still the little wallflower huh? Why don't you say something to us? We're like your best friends" the one on my right said.

"Seriously, who else would want to talk to someone like you? You should be happy."

Those words didn't even hurt me like they used to, I just stared at the ground and hoped they would get this over with, the sooner they left the sooner I could hang out with Raph … and the others.

"Still no reaction out of you huh? I kinda liked you the last time, you were crying then you remember? I thought we finally had something interesting here but you got back to the cold shoulder thing huh?" Brad lifted my chin in order to look into my eyes, I just continued to look through him and ignore whatever it was he had to say.

"you know you're not fooling anyone with those stupid contacts, everyone can see your freakishly red eyes … " they continued to say hurtful things, someone even slapped my cheek not hard enough to leave a bruise but enough to hurt. I hardly noticed, I was in my happy place until one sound woke me up from my trance.

"What is that?" Brad frowned, I focused, it was a cheerful beeping noise and my pocket was vibrating, oh crap my cell! Someone was checking up on me? They must have read the distress that broke through my façade. "Ah, finally some emotion on that ugly mug of yours"

"I think it's her cell phone" the one on my left, saw the lights shining through the pocket of my jeans and pulled out my phone.

"No! Give that back!" I yelled, but they held me back, crap now it has become more interesting for them.

"I think I'll have some fun with this!" the guy on my left threw my phone over to Brad who caught it easily. Please don't pick up, please don't pick up! I prayed.

He watched the thing for a while, "this is some fancy stuff, Tanya, wonder who it is? Your family perhaps? Oops forgot you didn't have any" they broke out in giggles. "A boyfriend than?" they laughed even harder. "Raph?" he said reading the name that appeared on the screen. "who's Raph? Let's ask him, shall we?"

Oh no, please, please stop ringing, he opened the phone and answered.

"Hello?" Brad answered with a lot of humor in his voice. I kept staring in horror as he was on the phone with Raph, oh crap this will be so hard to explain!

"Tanya can't come to the phone right now, can I take a message?" he said laughing, the other two snickered. I could almost hear Raph reply to that. "my my feisty fellow isn't he?" he said to me after he shut the phone and began eying the red button. Oh god no!

"No don't …" I began to say, but unfortunately he already pushed it, oh crap Raph is going to have a panic attack.

"What the hell does this thing?" he pushed it again but nothing happened , maybe it's broken or something, no I doubt that … Donny made it.

"Please leave give that back and leave now" I said, they just laughed. Brad than grabbed me by my collar and pushed me up against the wall.

"Who are you to give me orders? You know normally I should beat the crap out of you, but I don't hit girls" … yeah right, my head started to throb from where he pushed me against the wall. "Maybe I should lock you up in that container instead of in the sewer this time? What do you think? We can always find some rats to keep you company" he smirked at the fear in my eyes.

"Maybe we let you go, but only if you beg!" he dropped me and the other two pushed me on my knees. "Come on freak! Beg!" What do I do? I don't want to give in, I don't want rats, I want them to leave, I could feel my lens evaporate slowly at my distress.

**I could take care of them. I could solve all of your problems.**

"No!" I yelled more at myself then at them, oh crap.

"Wrong answer bitch!" the one at my left crushed his foot on my fingers. I bit my lip in order to keep from whimpering.

Suddenly the pressure was gone, when I looked up the only thing I saw was Raph tossing the unconscious bodies of the bullies into the container and Mikey shutting in firmly.

"Too bad they only take out the trash on Wednesday!" Mikey joked as he shoved a metal pipe through the lock so they wouldn't get out easily. Raph was in front of me and held out a hand to help me up. I took it, I was still in a daze when he pulled me to my feet so I had to hold onto him to steady myself.

"you alright?" he asked and quickly checked me over for injuries. "Donny will bandage that for you" he said when he stroked my wounded fingers. "They didn't hurt you anywhere else right? Cause if they did, just tell me and I'll return the favor" he smirked but I could tell from the hard look in his eyes that he wasn't joking.

"Hey talk to me here, Tanya! Hey! Answer me please" he shook me a bit and bend down to look into my eyes. My brain suddenly reconnected to my body when I saw the worried look in his eyes.

"yeah … yeah … I'm fine" my voice was a little uneven.

"Dude, were those the same guys Andy pummeled last time? The ones who forced you into the sewer every day?" Mikey asked. I nodded not trusting my voice anymore, why am I so shocked? Was it because of the bullies or the fact that someone actually came to help me? My knees were shaking with emotion and I clutched Raph's arm harder.

"Thank you" I squeaked, my eyes were burning, not in a bad way. Tears began to flow down my cheeks and I couldn't stop them, I felt so stupid. Why was I crying? "Thank you" I said again this time my voice broke. My body began to tremble and Raph had to hold me with both hands to stop me from falling down, somehow the motion made me cry even harder.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry" I said and ferociously began to wipe the stupid tears from my face.

"Hey don't cry" Mikey said as he returned my cell. "Here you go" I grasped it tightly and managed to shove it back in my pocket with shaking hands.

"Thanks" I whispered, I looked up to see Raph's reaction.

"Well at least we know this thing works huh?" Mikey said meaning the phone, yeah how did they get here so fast anyways? It couldn't be longer then four maybe five minutes. "you gave us quite the scare there"

"Sorry, he pressed it by accident I didn't mean to …"

"… chill out, I'm just glad you're alright" he smiled and laid his hand on my shoulder.

Meanwhile Raph was looking rather angry at the wall behind me. It made me feel even more stupid, what a weakling I was huh? Crying without knowing exactly why and in Raph's arms no less. He seemed to snap out of it when he saw me looking at him and pulled me along to the sewer.

When we all climbed down Raph picked me up and started walking as if he was carrying nothing more than a pillow. I wanted to tell him that I was fine to walk on my own and that he could but me down, but I didn't trust my voice and my legs right now. My face was glowing red I just know it, thank god it's dark in here . My legs feel like jello right now, so even if I could say something coherent and tell him to put me down, I would no doubt fall flat on my face. Deciding that I had suffered enough humiliation for one day I just figured that I enjoy the ride.

I'm aware that Mikey was saying something, but I was too busy to calm my out of control heart and steady my breathing. Raph seemed oblivious to my condition for which I am grateful, his entire body screamed anger I could almost feel his muscles tremble with the tension. Why was he so mad? I tried to look in his eyes again but he refused to meet my gaze, I sighed and rested my head against his shoulder.

When we arrived in the lair and I was knocked out of my world of inner peace, by Donny and Andy. They fired question after question, Raph just growled something and walked around them as if they were mere obstacles. I thought he would take me to his room or place me on the couch or something but instead he carried me to Donny's room. There was a be surrounded by all sorts of disturbing medical equipment.

Raph turned said something to Donny and left. I felt a stab of pain in my heart, I watched him go into the dojo. Donny turned to me and smiled.

"How are you feeling?" he asked and immediately took my injured hand.

"Great" I whispered.

"This might sting a bit" he said as he put a bit of disinfectant on the open wounds. I didn't even hiss at the sting of the product. Then he put some sort of ointment on it and bandaged each finger. "Did they hurt you anywhere else?" he asked carefully. I could feel the faint throbbing at the back of my head, I touched the place and I could feel a bump forming already. Ah well I've had worse … a lot worse.

Donnie decided to look for himself and carefully pulled my hair out of its ponytail and searched for the wounded area.

"It's swelling already, what happened? Did you get hit or something? Look this way." He pulled out a flashlight and aimed it at my eyes. "Pupil dilation is good, no concussion" he said to himself and searched around for something. "Where did I? ah here we go" he came back to my side with what looked like a cold pack. He held it gently against my head, the coldness felt good against my throbbing head.

"You don't have to tell me anything, but just so I know the damage can you tell me how you got that bump on your head?" he asked, he sat next to me on the bed and I took over the job of holding the ice pack.

"Nothing much happened actually, he just pushed me against a wall with too much enthusiasm. "

"sorry to hear that"

"I'm used to it" I looked at my bandaged hand, he did that with so much care. Did this mean that I had friends now? Did I really have people who cared about me and who didn't care about my … attitude problems. Raph came to help me, immediately. He cared for me, but …

I tried not to cry. God when was the last time I cried so much? … The last time Raph was angry with me, how come he has such power over my emotions? How come with just one look he could make me feel happy, safe and loved but then again he could crush that all whenever he pleased. My heart was truly his.

"Hey what's wrong?" Donny seemed to notice the moistness in my eyes.

"It's just … I … Is Raph mad at me?" a tear trailed over my face again, damn stupid why can't I stop crying? "Hhhee seemed so angry … oh god … I'm sorry …" embarrassed I tried to hide my tears with my hands or at least to try and stop them from leaving my eyes.

"Hey, hey" he said softly and prayed my hands away from my face, after I calmed down and gotten in control of my tears I looked up at him. "Of course Raph is not mad at you, you're right though he is angry, in fact I've never seen so much hatred in his eyes for a long time … you know why?" I shook my head.

"Well there are a few things that are unforgivable to Raph namely; treating someone bad because of their appearance, attacking someone who is defenseless and most of all hurting someone he cares deeply about. Now I don't know exactly what happened and you don't have to tell me if you don't want to but my guess is that Raph just wanted to hurt them so badly for whatever it is they did to you, but he couldn't because we don't kill people. Right now he's just venting, which means that we'll have to go and buy another punching bag again."

"you really think so?" I asked, he nodded and began to stock his materials away. What kinda surgery was he prepared for anyway? Seemed like he was planning on removing bullets or body parts or something.

"Of course, I know my brother."

"They were just bullies, I've had to deal with them for a while now, they were the ones that forced me to go into the sewers because they knew I'm afraid of rats and the dark. Guess I should be grateful or something, without them I would never have met Raph" I smiled, he frowned a bit in thought and continued to clear his working space.

"They took the phone you gave me when Raph called and Brad answered and accidentally pushed the button" he snored a bit, I guess he was picturing Raph's face when that guy answered his call or something.

"Well, doubt they would ever try something again but if they do don't hesitate to call alright?" Donny smiled and ruffled my hair a bit. I smiled at him.

"Do you need help with cleaning or something?" I asked.

"Nah, thanks, I guess I went kinda overboard. But when you live in this family you need to be prepared for the worst." He smirked. "So my lovely patient as much as I enjoy your company I'm afraid that you will have to set Mikey's and Andy's mind at ease" he winked and pointed to the two fidgeting figures staring impatiently through the glass door.

I tried to give him back the coldpack but he told me to hold keep it on the bruise for another couple of minutes.

Oh brother, as soon as I opened the door, Mikey hugged me and twirled me around, screaming 'she's alive, she's alive!' after a while they let me go and settled with watching television. An hour had passed and still Raph hadn't come out of the dojo. Mikey said it was best to let him be, but I felt a strange pull to go and check on him. He said that it was alright and that Leo was in there too, somehow that didn't put my mind at ease.

When Andy and Mikey had passed out on the couch, being the adorable couple that they are I sneaked over to the door. I didn't hear anything, but I was afraid to enter, what if Donny was wrong and he was in fact angry at me? Maybe he thought I was pathetic or something, I shouldn't have broken down like I did back there, I still didn't understand completely why I did though.

Come on, stop being so afraid and just open the door … well at least knock or something … or wait awkwardly until someone comes out. I'm truly am pathetic aren't I? I sighed and was about to turn around and leave but someone stepped out. It wasn't who I was hoping for though, it was Leo who stood in front of me. He was as intimidating as ever, as if I hadn't gotten my share of fear already today.

To my surprise he just smiled friendly at me "He's in there" he said and as he passed me he briefly placed his hand on my shoulder. I was stunned, what was that about?

Carefully I shoved the door open and slipped through, the training area looks very impressive, it's almost as if you're in feudal Japan instead of the sewers of New York city. I saw Raph sitting next to a mess of cloth and cotton, guess the punching bag didn't quite survive the venting process . I slowly made my way over to him. He had his hands on his head and was staring at the floor if he noticed I was here he didn't show it.

I stopped when I was in front of him and sat down awkwardly. He still didn't look up, I gasped when I saw the bloodied state of his hands, they were raw and red. I trailed my hand over them, like my touch could heal them somehow. His hands were surprisingly warm.

"I'm sorry" I whispered carefully, he looked up suddenly and grabbed my hands. He pulled me towards him. My cheeks were red from the blush that trailed over my face, I could feel his heart beating heavily. His arms came around me and hugged me even closer.

"Don't you say that ever again" his voice sounded rough and heavy. "I am sorry" he said after a long pause.

"Why?" I asked, he caught me of guard, why was he apologizing?

"Why? I knew your situation yet I let you get hurt!"

"you didn't let me get hurt. You don't actually think this is your fault?"

"Of course it is! I should have had your back!"

"This isn't your fault alright? I'm fine you see it's just a scratch" I held up the bandaged hand.

"You were crying, they insulted you and they hurt you. Tanya you don't have to hold back with me, if you are angry be angry, if you are sad be sad … don't keep it inside"

Roles are reversed now aren't they? It used to be me telling Raph stuff like this. I knew I didn't have to act in front of him, I just hugged him back and snuggled into his body. I loved the way his arms tightened protectively around me.

"you aren't mad at me?" I asked "you were so angry"

"Damn right I was angry! Pissed off is more like it, but not at you, I can never be angry at you … well maybe a little. The next time something happens you don't hesitate to call me alright? Even if it's just a strange feeling, a spider crawling over the ground, some old man who complains too much … the next time you feel even the slightest bit scared you call me, any time any day"

I stared wide eyed at him, his emotions were burning in his bright ember eyes, I knew he was serious.

"I thought you were afraid of spiders?" I smiled

"Who told you that?" he frowned a bit.

"Mikey and Andy" I confessed.

"I'm not scared of them … I just don't like them very much … so I'll ask you one more time and if you say I'm fine again I'll swear you're not leaving this place for the next couple of weeks"

"I was not scared, not until you called. The rest I could handle, I just don't want you to think less of me or something. I was scared that you were angry at me because I had worried you for nothing, but now that you told me I'm happy"

"you're happy? Then why were you crying?"

"I don't really know, at first I was so relieved and happy that you were there. Thank you Raph, for helping me." I thought back at what Andy told me a month ago when I asked her how she knew she loved Mikey _'I realized something … he already was my hero'_ . My hero? Was Raph my hero? I thought that over for a couple of seconds, he's always there when I need him the most, yes I think he is my hero, no I know he is. I love him! I realized, I'm in love with Raphael!

"Tsk, it's nothing." He said, I remained frozen for a couple more seconds and then relaxed in his arms again. I smiled and kissed him on the cheek.

"It isn't nothing to me" I smiled and walked out of the dojo. I don't know where that courage came from or what consequences it will have but right now I just enjoyed the butterflies in my stomach as I remember the tingling experience of his smooth skin on my lips.


	18. Healing

**Healing. **

"Why do you like them so much?" My thoughts were interrupted by a fairly familiar voice behind me. I turned around and saw my buddy Joey standing there. As usual I was staring at the turtle tank, just zoning out for the tenth time today.

"Just because … I'm not a cat person." I smiled when he took a place next to me. Joey was in charge of the large cats in the zoo and I took care of the reptiles. We often battled which was the better species.

"you alright?" he asked when I zoned out again.

"yeah I'm fine … why?"

"Well you've been pretty quiet today, just wanted to make sure nothing's bothering you" Oh wow is it that obvious? I'm usually pretty good at hiding my pain … well I'm usually able to fool anyone besides Mikey he knows me too well.

"Nah, I've had a pretty late party last night and I'm trying to save my voice a bit you know?" I lied.

"Oh I so know what you're talking about girl! I'm like the party king" he boosted, I hate lying and I'm pretty bad at it. Shows how little he knows me, I know that if I start to talk about him I'll break down and I don't want to freak him out like that.

At times like these he is the perfect distraction, Joey continues to do on and on about stuff like which clubs are the best, how many tiger cubs there are going to be, his latest pick up lines …

"Jo come on man you're break's over!" One of his coworkers called, Joey looks at his watch and runs out of the reptile house, screaming something to me along the lines of see you later or something.

When I'm sure I'm alone again I take the piece of paper out of my wallet I keep with me all the time. It's a drawing of me, or what's supposed to be me. Mikey drew it, on it was me with my favorite cap, old brown tank top and green army pants. In the picture I'm sitting in the tree house waving down. Only Raph saw it besides Mikey and me, he laughed and made fun of it.

I think it's the only time I ever won a sparring match against one of them. To me it was perfect, at the bottom it says My Princess in orange. I wipe a rouge tear from my cheek as I watch that picture. The jungle is a cruel but wonderful place indeed, I lost so many things there. I lost my father, the family that took care of me, I would have lost my life and so much more if it hadn't been for Mikey and the rest of them. I lost everything but gained just about as much.

I've seen so many cruel things and seen so much death, I've been on the brink of insanity and cheated death. I will never get over the pain of watching my dad die and I will never forget him, he will always be in my heart.

I touch my back and feel the unevenness of my skin where the scars trailed over my body. Those scars are the constant reminder of that, every time I see them in the mirror or feel them through my clothes I will remember that horrific noise of leather tearing through my skin. But I will also remember the moment that it all ended, the moment my hero stopped the pain and healed me in so many ways.

A tear now splashed on my picture I quickly fold it again, briefly press it to my heart and tuck it back into its rightful place. I was still beautiful to him, he didn't care I was once so broken I feared I would never be myself again. He travelled into the deepest core of my existence and battled my demons.

Dad you would have loved Mikey, you would have gotten along with him so well. I just know you would!

I watch the little turtles in the basin bathe in warmth of the lamp, I feel kinda bad for them that they're in here and not running free in the wild. But there is nothing I can do than to do my best to make their lives as happy as possible. My family was once like this before they were mutated, when you look closely enough you can actually see that each little turtle has a personality of its own. So far I have two Donnies, they were shy and showed a little sign of intelligence, three Leo's, they have the ability to stare you down to the point where you actually start to consider apologizing to a pet turtle, seven Raph's, they steal food from the others and thirteen Mikey's, but that's just me seeing something of him in everything.

Alright maybe I've been staring at them for far too long. I watch as one of the Mikey's makes his way over to me, probably hoping he'll get something to eat.

It's amazing that with just the thought of him I feel slightly better. Just two more minutes and I have to go back to work, then just four more hours until I can meet up with my hero.

Today may be the day that my world came to an end, the day that I watched my father die. I never get back the family I lost, but I still have people in my life that I care about and who care about me … I still have a family and I think our family will just continue to grow.

So I stand up, burry the sad thoughts deep inside of me and put a smile on my face. I will get through the rest of my day, tonight I can break down and trust my hero to make me whole again.

A few hours later.

"_Are you sure you're going to be alright?"_

"How many times do I have to tell you? I'm fine, just go"

"_Alright sweetie, but if there is but the slightest thing …"_

"I will call you and you can run to my rescue like the brave knight that you are, now go on there are other damsels in distress waiting"

"_You're still my favorite DID" _

"Of course I am, silly"

"_hang on … what? Yeah, yeah … sorry princess gotta decide now, Leo's practically dragging me outside"_

"Just go, I'll be just fine"

"_I'll hurry, I promise" _

"Thank you, be safe please"

"_I will, don't lock your window I'll be right besides you before you know it"_

"Alright, see you later, love you"

"_love you too" _

Stupid hero's, why does he have to save the city tonight? Apparently there was a lot of purple dragon activity near the docks so the guys had to check it out. Leaving Mikey torn between assisting his family and comforting his girlfriend. Like we had a choice, neither of us would ever forgive ourselves if something happened to Leo, Raph or Donny just because I was being clingy.

This isn't a life threatening situation so … so why does it feels like one? God when did I turn in such a wreck, it's like all the depressing thoughts gather up and decide to come out once a year all at once.

Come on Andy pull yourself together girl! They had to check it out, it's what they do. I don't know exactly what's going on, the guys don't tell me much, probably because they don't want me to worry. But still, I decided to take a shower, I'll feel much better afterwards.

But when I got undressed I was once again confronted with my past. Thick, uneven white skin runs in long stripes, no pattern just ugly marring, viciously spread over the length of my back. Vicious yeah, that's a good description, vicious like the monster that put them there.

I don't even bother undressing further, this is what I am. Ugly, marked ever since that day, today all those years ago. My dad. I don't notice the cold water running over me as I stumble into my shower. I pretend that it's like the rain and I'm back in my nightmare. Cold alone in the middle of my forest, the only thing that is left for me to protect, the only constant in my world back than was the rain.

My dad, it was raining then too I think. Funny how at such moments you remember every little, insignificant detail. The monster is holding onto me, the life is draining his eyes. Nobody can hear me cry here, I prefer it this way. Mikey shouldn't have to be bothered by this time and time again. Why am I like this every year? Why can't I forget, why does this keep following me everywhere I go?

What's even worse is that he's still out there somewhere, probably rotting away in some cell. I've wished him death more times than I can count, does that make me a horrible person? Am I so twisted? Too broken?

I hear the door from my bathroom open and a figure enters, I am too far gone to move. I know it's not Mikey though. Is this murphy's law? A burglar ends my life now?

"Andy are you alright?" I hear someone speak, I look up and see Tanya standing infront of me.

"I'm fine"

"Mikey called and said you might need a friendly face"

"I'm fine" my numb fingers clench the fabric of my wet jeans tightly. I feel her sitting next to me in the cubical, with some adjustments she turned the hot water on.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want too, I know something bad has happened to you, Raph told me that much, Mikey also told me that today is a very though day for you and that he's very sorry he's not here right now"

"I know"

She pulled me closer to her and somehow even though she's smaller than me my head rested comfortably on her shoulder. She rubbed my back soothingly. Her hands trailed over my uneven skin as if it was the most normal thing in the world, she didn't even flinch when she touched them. Tasting the amount of salt water running down my face I assume that I must be crying a great deal again.

"You lost someone close to you didn't you?"

"my dad" oh damn even my voice sounds like a mess. "he died, surrogate family died, Mikey almost …"

"shh, it's okay, it's not your fault, Mikey is fine" I turn my face into her neck and continue to cry as another waterfall of soothing words washes over me.

"it's ok to be sad for your loved ones, it's ok to cry, if you're sad be sad don't hold back, there is nothing to be ashamed of"

"I don't remember the people that I've lost, can't figure out if that is a good or a bad thing. I have scars too, they are a reminder of all the pain that I went through, I remember that though. We're the same in so many ways you know, we're not completely healed yet, but that's ok, you know why? Because someday we will be, maybe not as completely as we were before but we will be alright then. In the mean time, we can depend on the people we love. So you can depend on me tonight alright? I understand."

And so I told her my story, all of it, every excruciating detail. I relived broken moments with her, she understood, she told me her story too. We were connected through our pain now.

Together we cried until the hotwater ran out, then we laughed like two crazy people and cried some more afterwards. It is like this that our hero's found us, crying, wet, maybe a little crazy but a little bit closer to being healed.

* * *

I am truly sorry that I've taken so long to update and for the sadness in this chapter.

This is what you get when you combine a tight schedule and writers block ^^


End file.
